My New Invention: Child's Shock Collar

You know those leashes... you always see someone at the zoo with them. Some of them are with deluxe harness, others are simply attached at the wrist.
I remember seeing those & saying, "That's inhumane. It's horrible. I'd never use one of those."

Then I had Flynn.

The cheetah is not the fastest land animal. Flynn is. And she fears nothing. Not passing cars. Not strangers. Not deep amounts of water or bottomless pits. The girl will do anything, go anywhere. And she does so with a speed that surpasses her parents'.

Now I'm all for the leash. Except the stigma that goes with it.

And because she's going through this phase, among many other "terrible twos" stuff, I've sat there many atime (while typing in my blog, trying to cram a few bites of something in my mouth, nurse Gabe) & said, "PLEASE listen to me. PLEASE don't make me have to get up." But she rarely listens. And I'm not one to just let it slide. I may lack several parenting skills, but consistency does not go by the wayside here. If I've told her to do something, she WILL.

So, in those AARGH moments, where I have to break Gabe's suction or go to an immediate stand from the floor where I'm picking up toys or... (you get the picture), I think to myself,
"She needs to be wearing a shock collar."

I don't mean anything that would leave a permanent sensation. I mean just a quick jolt. So, when I say, "Flynn get OFF THE TABLE!" She would look at me & continue her misbehavior. That's when I'd follow with a warning & if that warning goes ignored, a quick push of the trigger (which I could have carribeaner'ed on my beltloop). And much like a dog, she'd associate that small jolt with ignoring my request.

For most children, it would probably only take a couple of times. For Flynn it might take 4 times.

I think today I may go ahead & call the patent office & see if one's been patented already. And if not, I might go ahead & proceed with my plans.

DISCLAIMER: I AM JUST KIDDING. DO NOT CALL DFS. I DON'T PLAN TO SHOCK EITHER OF MY CHILDREN.
BUT I MIGHT DO THE LEASH THING.