A Funny Revenge Story

Okay, so the Lord says Vengeance is mine...
but this story is STILL funny:

A Funny Story About Curtain Rods.....

CURTAIN RODS---- PRICELESS

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girl friend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked.

People stopped coming over to visit.
Repairmen refused to work in the house.
The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they couldnot find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.
She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home... And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the the curtain rods!!!!!!

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

Frozen Eggs

Yep, we nearly froze our eggs off, hunting eggs in 40 degrees.
But we hunted, nonetheless. Not once. Or twice. But three times.
So my kids are pros.

And there will be pictures to come. As soon as I surface myself from the pool of plastic eggs that my surroundings have become.
And those pictures will be cute. You can count on that.

But meanwhile, you can gush w/ me at what Flynn & her Daddy conversed about the other day...
"Flynn, why do we have Easter?"
"Because of Jesus. The bad people put nails in his hands and his head."
"That's right. Jesus died for us."
"But why?"
"Because He loves us."
"But why?"
"Because He wanted us to be in heaven forever."
"But why?"
"Because He's God's son & God wanted to give us a gift."
"But why?"
"Just because."

So, yesterday, Jeff wanted to turn the tables & started asking Flynn questions. She'd answer him & his response would be, "But why?"
She finally said to him, "that's too many questions."

Good Friday

1,600 plastic Easter eggs. Approximately. And they're all in the back of our mini-van.

The sweat of my brow & the extent of my organizational skills, have all been spent on this egg hunt.

So that's become the bulk of my thoughts. Will there be enough? Will people know where to go? How can I be sure they go to the correct table to redeem their prizes?

What am I going to wear? What will Flynn wear? What will I take for dinner afterward?

Now isn't that just silly?

Not silly that I've planned a community-wide egg hunt.

But that it's consumed my mind.

Yesterday, I slipped Jeff's iPod in my ears & pushed play.

He had uploaded a dramatization of the resurrection... with voices such as Cuba Gooding Jr. & James Earl Jones.

It was good. I was getting inspired. The deep bass of the music escalated as Christ carried the cross & the intensity thrived as the moment grew nearer. 'Wow!' I thought.

But then it hit me...

When Jesus was carrying that cross through the town. Through the streets. Blood dripping from His flesh-torn back...

He heard no music to inspire Him.

When they nailed him hands & his feet & speared his side, there was no bass beat.

There was crying...and mourning... and a Mother who watched her son being beat... and made fun of... and disrespected... and murdered.

There was no dramatization, nothing that made Jesus feel uplifted or inspired.

Except...

Except for you.

Can you believe that? Can you wrap your mind around that? Someone thought enough of YOU to die. In my lowest of times, especially in my best of times, that was way more than I deserved.

When I pray in the morning, I start out with,

Dear God,

Thank You for giving me a breath to breathe today.

You didn't even have to wake me up this morning but You did.

And then on top of all of that, You've blessed me like You have.

It's true. He worked so hard just creating the universe, and us, and all the animals.

Then, on top of all of that, He gave His son. Something I have only fully understood the last two Easters, since I have a son of my own.

Just for us.

I could go on & on after that. But I won't.

But those are my thoughts today.... after Flynn asked me (after a short summary I gave her on why this is Good Friday),

"Why did He die?"

Really, all she needs to know is that He loved her that much.

And because of that love, JUST that love, she & all the rest of us, have the option of eternity in heaven.

Tiny Dancer

Looky-looky who started DANCE CLASS last week...

Here with the "tappers" (as she calls them)...
Look at these moves!

And that was before the class!

WARNING: music

I've attached music now to the blog...
So, if you're at work & don't want to have, say, Catch the Wind by Donovan (a fav from the 70s) piping from your speakers, you can either turn down your speakers beforehand, or quickly scroll to the bottom of the blog & hit pause.
I'm hoping you'll just enjoy it, as do I.

Waste of Time

In the study series, Daniel, Beth Moore talks about her daughter. She'll watch either a dumb commercial, tv show, or any waste of time, then says, "Well, I'm dumber now than I was before."

It has me thinking, do I watch anything that actually takes my intelligence (as small a portion that might be) away?
Do I do anything that makes me step backward?

In 1 John 3:18, It says, Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. Okay, I know, I know, I completely took that out of context, as that's actually referring to giving what you have of material possessions.
But I don't think God minds me referencing things out of context (as long as I don't distort the truth by doing so)...

I can say I'm a believer, but what do I do behind closed doors? Do I spend my time on the phone spreading rumors? Do I treat my family with disrespect? Do I have some pretty evil habits?

Those can sound a little extreme, so here's what I was thinking about yesterday while I was cleaning out Gabe's shoe drawer...

I talk to Angie & Amy several times a week on the phone. Sometimes it's a short chat but other times it's a soapbox. I vent, I complain. Or sometimes I just 'talk'... just words. Are they getting off the phone with me & saying, "Okay, what a waste of time... I'm dumber after that converstaion."?

I think I have a long way to get to the holy point of every word coming from my mouth doing nothing but proclaiming God's righteousness. Not to mention, who would want to be around me? But surely there's a comfortable point close to that.

Almost a year ago, I wrote a mission / vision statement. In this statement, I wrote all the things I'd need to do or things to avoid to be a Godly mother & wife. It's on the fridge & quite a great reference. I listed things that I called 'Mind Wasters' & those were the internet (um, oops), the phone (see 2 paragraphs above), & the tv. They waste time & brain cells. Used in moderation, I can see that they're okay... but are easy to cross the line with.

For now, I'll start with avoiding the things that make me dumb. A pointless show. Listening to something that might not make me a better person.

'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' Matt 22:37.

I Wanna Be Just Like You

In Jeff's iPod...





Lord, I want to be just like You 'Cause he wants to be just like me.
I want to be a holy example For his innocent eyes to see.
Help me be a living Bible, Lord -- That my little boy can read.
I want to be just like You 'Cause he wants to be like me.

He climbs in my lap for a goodnight hug... He calls me Dad and I call him Bub... With his faded old pillow and a bear named Pooh.
He snuggles up close and says, "I want to be like you".
I tuck him in bed and I kiss him goodnight ...Trippin' over the toys as I turn out the light.
And I whisper a prayer that someday he'll see...He's got a father in God 'cause he's seen Jesus in me.

Got to admit I've got so far to go... Make so many mistakes and I'm sure that You know.. Sometimes it seems no matter how hard I try, With all the pressures in life I just can't get it all right.
But I'm trying so hard to learn from the best...Being patient and kind, filled with Your tenderness...'Cause I know that he'll learn from the things that he sees...
And the Jesus he finds will be the Jesus in me...

Right now from where he stands I may seem mighty tall...
But it's only 'cause I'm learning from the best Father of them all.

Happy Feet

Tonight marks a monumental time...

the kids' first visit to the movie theater.

I didn't have high expectations. So we went to a "cheap" theater (Keller) where the kids were free, Jeff & I didn't cost much, & the movie we saw was an 'older' one.

So, Flynn enjoyed Happy Feet, Gabe enjoyed Happy Feet, Mommy & Daddy enjoyed Flynn & Gabe enjoying Happy Feet.

Another memory.

Deep Thoughts 4

A few nights ago, Jeff was trying to talk Flynn into choosing the movie, CARS, to watch as they wound down for bedtime.

He told her, "It's got 'Mater', the tow-truck."
She said, "Yah, he's funny! He's got two teeth. Like Bubby."

The Boob-Tube

I've been reading lots lately about television, how it rots our brain & takes up so much of our time. Usually, I just quickly dismiss the stats, the quotes & the opinions of those who have decided to unplug.

But how can you ignore facts? I just read an article that said that by the time we're something like 60, we've watched 2 years of tv. TWO YEARS! That is a lot by anyone's standard.
We are probably not as bad as most families, particularly since we're home so much. But I heard Flynn humming the PBS kids snippet. And anytime Gabe hears ANYTHING interesting piping out, he wheels around & will abandon whatever he was playing with.
And that's exactly what I don't want...
our family preferring their favorite show to their favorite book or game...
jumping into spots with the best view of the tv....
eating meals in front of the tele.
We've never done the above; however, who is to say the kids won't when they're big enough to make those decisions?

Growing up our lives did not revolve around the tv. And actually, this part is shocking: for the better part of my first 12 years we didn't have a tv in the livingroom. Can you imagine the shock & horror??!! What did we do? Well, we played a lot of games & had a lot of family time. My mom & I regularly played "double-sol". I did lots of drawing & playing & using my IMAGINATION (something lots of kids are lacking these days).

Now I realize the sacrifice this takes. And Jeff is probably reading this & going, "what??!!" And I'm not saying we will do this but it is definitely in my mind right now. I don't want advertising to target my children. And the thought of a scary, violent, or sexual image to be seen by my kids just makes me want to puke.

So why am I taking the chance? I don't know.

Yesterday the tv was only on 2 hours (not bad out of 18 hours we're awake & HERE). We didn't turn it on 'til bedtime. And today, I turned it on briefly for Curious George & Calliou. And that's it for today.

Remember Cassette Tapes?

What's Better Than a Binky?

TWO binkies.

We've been trying to SLOWly begin the weaning process, to end the days with the binky.

In the morning, we "give the binky to the stars", meaning drop it down into the bed which has star sheets. He's supposed to be limited to using the binks during sleep times -- nap & bedtime. We also bust it out when we're going somewhere as we know in quiet situations (aka church), we'll need a tool in which to plug him up.

Now he knows how to retrieve the binky from the stars by sticking his long skinny arm through the slats on his bed & reaching it. Then he emerges from his room, grinning from ear to ear with his beloved binky in place.

The other day, he found both binkies (the only two "original" binks that have not been swallowed by the mysterious "binky black hole")... in his mouth.

BOTH of them in his mouth.

My personal goal is to have it gone by TWO.

He has other plans.

Indescribable

Melts my Heart

That Gabe...

For a couple of weeks now, we've been wondering what in the world he says when you're leaving.
When one of us would leave for work, he'd wave, but what he'd say WITH the wave was odd-sounding, "woo-woo."
We're like, "WHAT?"

When I left him Thursday for work, Grammy said he stood at the window forever saying it at my car, which drove away.

Finally, (& I'm ashamed not sooner, as I AM the mom!!) it dawned on me. We all always say, "I love you" when we're leaving.

THAT'S WHAT IT WAS...
He says I love you EVERYTIME ANYone leaves.

Melts my heart.

Letter to the Groundhog

Dear Groundhog,
You are a liar.
I look out my window, there are snowflakes falling down!
Early spring. No shadow. Baahh!
Forget the sunny days of us frolicking through the grassy meadows.
I'll do nothing but kick you in your hairy larynx.
Come February 2nd next year, I won't be listening to your lies.
You're nothing but a fat, over-grown & over-glorified rodent.
Good Riddance to you.

Put Me in the Zoo

If Dinosaurs Roamed the Earth

Deep Thoughts 3

Flynn's really struggling w/ her asthma, which means red cheeks & heavy eyes (accentuating the lashes); which basically equals instant beauty.

She woke from her nap just now & loves to get up in my lap. I said, "Do you know you're beautiful?"

She said, "God made me beautiful."

Score one for the creator.

SPRING has SPRUNG

And so has Flynn's asthma...

Summer Boo-boo's & Bugs

Gabe officially got his first outdoor's boo boo ever. As he was leaning over the ball, his momentum never stopped... velocity got the best of him (as well as the weight of his big noggen) & over he went. Landed square on the top of his nugget, right onto the rough concreted patio.
Ouch.
It bled a teeny bit & now he has a battle scar. For most kids a tuft of hair would've been some protection.
But not from our mini Kojak.

And, oh! the spiders. They're taking residency in our house. There was a quarter sized bodied spider walking down the hall today. I think I saw him carrying a suitcase.

Which got me thinking...

When Flynn was about 10 months old, I was making her lunch. She was toddling around (walked at 9 mos) & was peering out the window over the cul-de-sac like the nosey ones like to do.

It was nearly fall & apparently that's some kind of season for the lady bugs. Mating, marrying, dating, or something. All I know is that they invade us like one of the plagues. And the sills are their favorite hang out.

She swaggered up to me like there was something she needed to report. When I bent over to look closer to her, I noticed legs.
Legs.
Hanging
out
of
her
MOUTH.
That's right.... bug legs.... as in ---- the rest of the bug was INSIDE her mouth.

I did the first-mom panic....
Did the finger sweep, got her over the sink to attempt at some sort of rinsing out.
But she'd swallowed most of it.

I had no idea what to do. Do you call the Children's Hospital Hotline for something like this? The Dr.'s office? What would I say? "Hi, my 10-month old just ate a ladybug."

I didn't really want that in her file.

Besides, you know what they always say.

Protein.