Pain is Overrated

I remember when I was about 5 years old... I had gotten a kids' meal (or a 70's-equivalent thereof) at Jack in the Box (yes, my love affair w/ J & B goes back that far).
So, as I ate my taco (or 6), I read the comic included w/ the meal. It was the Jack w/ some odd friends. A boy had fallen off his bike & Jack was consoling him, his injuries & his pain. Jack was talking about how PAIN IN GOOD & it tells us when there's something wrong w/ our body. PAIN IS GOOD? hogwash
I just spent my entire weekend up to & including the present in the worst intense pain I've ever experienced. Yep, worse than the gynormous Mars-sized kidney stones I passed in August; yep, worse than Gabe's big noggen passing thru & worse than my gall stones & the removal of them and their bladder.
No, I wasn't in an accident. Didn't have my arm lopped off or shoot a nail thru my eye w/ a nailgun. Supposedly I have a nasty virus. I've pooped a good 75+ times. And have stomach pains that feel like a dull tetnused fork is being driven through & twisted in my inners.
So what would've been a fun Friday evening & Saturday sans Flynn who was at Nana's, I've gotten to only be romantic with the Porcelain Prince. If my vision was blurred by the nauseating pain, I could've easily caught up on the magazines I didn't read at my gum-deal. Missed church yesterday, for like the 5th Sunday in a row. And missed ALL SORTS OF FOOD.
Now I just need to lose like 20 lbs more in the next month, before John & Melissa's wedding. Hopefully, my current loss of 7-ish pounds (thx to nothing but a cracker here & a banana there the last 3 days) will have rid me of the devilish pack of hot dogs on my naked back in their wedding.
Jeff got to play Mr Mom all weekend while I worked my magic in the john & rolled in pain in the bedroom floor. Yesterday, I exhausted all modes of medical attention, as I was told different things from different people who ultimately wanted to admit me for a catsan & ultrasound. Um, no thanks. They were worried about my appendix. Only one organ a year please.