Brotherly Love

Gabe nodded off this afternoon, while we were watching tv, even in anticipation of Curious George.

His little arm went limp & I could feel his head lay a little heavier against me.

What I wasn't expecting was for Flynn to walk up & act like she was at the mall approaching a stranger's baby,

"Ohhhhhhh, look how cute he is!"

"Yep, he is cute."

"Awwww, he's so sweet, he's sleeping."

So, I laid him in his bed for his (short) nap. And next it was Flynn's turn to turn-in.

She was looking particularly cute with her thick lashes resting on her cheeks, so I bombarded her with kisses & whispered in her ear that I love her & that she's a good girl (I figured there needs to be times when she doesn't hear, 'no', 'leave him alone', 'that's naughty', etc.).

She must've been feeling the love. She looked at me & said, "Wasn't Bubby so cute when he was sleeping??"

"Yes, he was."

"Oh, he was so sweet."

"He is sweet Flynn. And he loves you so much."
silence.

"Flynn, he loves you, know it?"

"Well, he does love me. But not all the time. He is mean sometimes and scratches me & hurts me."

Glad to know they have a normal, healthy, siblingship.

Mystery of the Binky Snatcher

As Gabe approaches two (our designated age for taking his binks away), we have limited his binky time to sleeping times (& church, to keep him quiet).

When we get him up in the morning, we have him throw his binky back into his bed (he usually complies, as he LOVES throwing things).

The last few days, I've seen him now & again, strutting around, or playing, with a binky in his mouth. And I've wondered, how in the world did he get it? I know when he throws it down, I double check to make sure that it's out of his reach.

Yesterday, (or 'last day' as Flynn has dubbed it) I went into his room where he was playing, to check on him, and there I saw it. He had his arm through one of the bars on his bed, sheet in hand, giving it a tug.

He has been pulling his sheet hard enough, to get the binky within his reach.

This might be harder than we thought.

A Little Reflection

Now this part is strange & kinda funny too, as it can show you the evolution of my many thoughts. Below in red, find what I had planned to blog, then in black, find my reflection:

"I have high expectations for myself. I believe that I extend that to others, which is a huge mistake & a major stressor.
But I'm learning, even at 28 (okay, 33), I'm learning.
Here are some things I've learned lately:
There are some times when you shouldn't stick your neck out. There's something to be said about not raising your hand in class, not signing up to volunteer, not speaking out. Albeit, all of those things aren't typical Amy-style, laying low has its benefits.
Now I'm not suggesting, Looking Out For Number 1, or "Numero Uno", but maybe there's a happy medium? I know I was raised to serve, hard work & helping others is in my nature, but perhaps I need a period of just doing for me. Doing what is asked of me?, sure. But thinking of things I can do for other people instead of for me & my family?, no."
Wow. Talk about Anti-Christ!
Gees Amy, do you think Jesus helped other people for a thank you? For a pat on the back. For a positive result of some kind?
Nope.
Matter of fact, He got killed for it.
Perhaps it's a maturation of thought... but I have to reach the point where I serve, I give, I do selflessly for other people, then, that's it. The process doesn't extend to what the recipient does or says. I'm sure Jesus would've loved a thank you note when he healed the blind man, but that's not why he did it. And I have my doubts that he went & blogged about it.
In the bible, it's pretty plain about this topic:
Colossians 3:23:
Work at everything you do with all your heart. Work as if you were working for the Lord, not for human masters.
I guess there should be no misunderstanding there... and if you really do as it says, there should be NO disappointments, as the pay is great & the retirement is unbelievable!
I always have lots to learn.

My buddy Zach

I have a little friend.

His name is Zach.

He has embryonal rhabdomyosarcoma (cancer).

His tumor is in the chest cavity on the right, back side and lung.

Zach just finished 2nd grade, he is 9 years old.

I've never met a braver kid. And his mom, she's like a rock.

You've never met stronger people.

Zach's dad is not really in his life.

He has two older sisters who love him dearly.

Zach loves critters. He has birds, cats, I think I saw a dog there, hamsters, and I think a reptile or two. He collects coins. Has a huge car collection. And is a typical boy, with the exception of the fact that he's been forced into some kind of maturity due to what he's had to go through.

Zach loves visitors, and gifts (I give him one a week), and hates hospital food.

He's been in treatment for a couple of months now.

Chemo & now radiation, each and everyday.

He seems to almost be proud of him wounds.

And although I have nothing to do with his upbringing, I am proud of him.

What a cool kid.

He has a caring bridge page, that I'm sure he'd love if you signed.

http://www.caringbridge.org/mo/zachman98/index.htm

Read it. And remember their battle. Not only should you pray for him each & everyday. But you should think about what they're going through. Squeeze your kiddos a little tighter. Tell you spouse you love him when you go to bed. And remember how precious life is.

Mucho Stache

My friend Lynn, who was responsible for bringing you the monkey butts, didn't believe me a few years ago, when I told her that I do nothing to my upper lip.


But driving to church a week ago, I saw it.


Nothing short of a handlebar growing up there.


So, I made the decision. It was time to do something about it.





So I consulted the professionals.





And, I'll be dealing with that tonight.



Wish me luck.

Can't Keep a Straight Face

My family is & has always been silly, like to the point that others don't appreciate or understand us. We can't just pose normally in photos. In serious venues, we crack jokes.

No one is safe from being poked fun at by us.

So, why should I not be suprised when Flynn made these faces recently, while I tried to snap a pic of her & her friend Isabelle.

Isabelle is looking at her like, "I don't think I'm coming back over here....this girl is crazy."

Check out Bubby, he's nobody's fool.

Then, it just wasn't enough to make a face...she had to hurl herself backwards.

Dude Looks Like a Lady

This one will make Daddy cringe...

Bubs has taken to trying on shoes. He loves the thrill of wrestling with the shoe to get it on, then balancing his way across the room, usually dragging a great deal of shoe behind him.

Even MY shoes...

Crazy 'Bout a Ford Truck

Our friends, the Azars, blessed us with this new ride-on toy.
What more perfect thing to go cruising down the newly-cleared yard!

PeeWee Picasso

I try to be a good SAHM/WAHM.... I try to offer my kids activities & art projects. I work with Flynn on her letters, shapes, patterns, math skills.... I monitor tv watching.
I always think about if they were in day care, what would they be doing? I'd want to offer them the same.

Like fingerpainting outside.

And She's OFF!

This day must come in every Mom's life...
The day their baby
goes to preschool.

sniff-sniff....

Because we can't send her to conventional preschool, with the chance of her being accidentally exposed to something, we had to jump at this chance...

Daddy is teaching summer school at the elementary school (on his middle school's campus) & noticed some VERY small tikes walking through the halls to their classrooms. So he inquired. Apparently, four year olds, going into Kindergarten, attend summer school at the Pre-K room. The teacher invited Jeff to bring his little girl! Jeff talked extensively with her about Flynn's situation.... she reassured him there were other allergies in there that they were dealing with. Since Daddy will be in the building, we decided to chance it. She'll spend the 1st half of the day there, and I will pick her up at lunch (can't chance that one).

She was so excited. Bound out of bed. Quickly got dressed. Ate her breakfast in a hurry. And didn't complain about me pulling her hair when I fixed it.

Of course I got out the video camera, and she sang 2 songs, recited the alphabet, counted down from 10, and rambled on about how Bubby will be taller than her soon (this is a fact!).

She waved goodbye to me, as I was pressed against the window....

and she never looked back.

Dad's Day '07

Not much can take a moment like that away...

Last year I posted a pic of Daddy with Flynn, this year it's the moment I held Gabe & Jeff gave me that look like, "I love you & the fact that you just pushed that big noggen from your loins."

Well, there was a little more emotion than that going on.

Anyway, it's Father's Day & I'd be amiss if I didn't give my hearty, grateful thank you to my daddy & the daddy of my kids.

Both whom give my children the kind of love they deserve from the men in their lives. And who give me the respect & the help that I appreciate so much.

I love you Jeff...and I love you Dad.

Happy Father's Day!

Hot Buns Contest

There's some dive across the street from Walmart... called the Magic Carpet or something cheesy & gross like that.
Tonight, their marquee read, 'Hot Buns Contest'. Upon reading it, hot husband turned to me & said, "Hot Buns Contest....You should enter."
I laughed weakly & said, "Yah, right."
He started to argue with me about my derriere & that's when I reminded him...
"Day Old Bread."

Some of My Prayer List

Here are some of the things I'm diligent to pray for...

My own relationship with Christ

Jeff's relationship with Christ

Flynn's & Gabe's relationships with Christ

Our marriage

Flynn's allergies & healing

My Aunt Alice

Zach

Traveling safety for everyone

Flynn's husband

Gabe's wife

Nieces & nephew

Our cousins' & friends' kids

Flynn's career & purpose in life

Gabe's career & purpose in life

Our finances

Jeff's career, coaching, teaching

Decisions we have to re our house, etc.

The finances & financial decisions of our entire fam

Eagle Point

EP's children's dept

All the kids/babies under my "care"

My own 'nitty gritty', like my lack of patience, anger, shortness

(I could go on...and on...)

My health

There's actually a VERY long list, but that's I guess a condensed list

(for the times I don't have a LONG time to pray)

Helpful Hints

Never put an open, extra large box (or any size for that matter) of baking soda on a high shelf in your cabinet.

And also, it's really hard to clean off cabinets, burners, floors, and people.

Monkey Butts

I got these photos from my friend Lynn, who took them at the zoo last week.

Lynn is funny. She & I met at Missouri Southern State my first semester there.

Our first conversation was about poop... it's no wonder if you know either of us, that upon hearing that topic, we knew we'd be good friends.

She lives in Texas now with her hubby & cute boy & we've managed to keep in touch for over 10 years now. I was delighted to see these disgusted photos on her Instant Messager & immediately asked her to send so I could share with you....

Aren't you glad??

The good thing about monkeys?

They just don't care. They have a neurotic, retentive need to pick bugs off each other...and they don't care who's watching. This picking is their nature & I'd imagine that when God made them with this habit, He did so under the pretense that they wouldn't be stuck behind a pin or sheet of glass with humans watching their hiney-picking.

Well, I guess He knew that'd be happening, being He made the universe, knows the future, and all that other omniscient stuff.

Anyway, these primates are kinda cool like that if you ask me. Not the bobo-scratching stuff (well, maybe that too), but the ability to keep doing what they're supposed to, despite the fact that people are watching in disgust (or in my case, delight) at what they're doing.

Everyday, everywhere, people are worried about what other people think. Individuals feel the need to do or not do according to what a family member, a friend, or even a stranger, thinks they should be doing (or not doing)...

I'm pretty sure there's only one person we should worry about pleasing.

It's not the group of people watching us from the other side of the zoo glass.

Now you know how I love my hot hubby & my kids (so cute they could win a contest)... and you're wondering why they wouldn't be grouped into the ONE I should please. But the truth is, that all falls under the 'God umbrella', in that if I'm working on pleasing Him, I'm most likely pleasing them. Since the bible is full of stuff like, taking care of your kids, respecting your husband, etc.

I'm glad... that the person I was made to worship (the being rather), cares about all that stuff.

Remember that, the next time you see a baboon inspecting the hemorrhoids of another baboon.

And only I could somehow turn monkey butts into talking about God.

Adding Again...

but this time it is tres positive!!

After several hours of boob poking & prodding, the prognosis is 'lumpy breastitis'...

I am a-okay.

Thank You God!

I think it wouldn't hurt for every mom...really, just anyone... to have to spend a day wondering how much longer they have to live.

I think it makes things sweeter.

Anyway, we've had our share of drama for the week... for the month...actually, for the whole year!

I can hardly post w/o a pic, so enjoy the pic of the sweeties last week at Grant's Farm...

I Hated to Add Today...

As I know this entry will pop up over Mae West & I think that picture should be on top of the blog for a while...
but...
I'm worried.
I just saw the dr for a lump in my breast & am now getting ready to leave for a mamogram.

As soon as I had a moment, and considered blogging, I talked myself out of it... knowing that if I wait a few hours, I'll have 'real' info; perhaps nothing to even blog about.

But I think thoughts & reflections are important (otherwise I wouldn't blog) and I consider it part of my prayer life (meditation)...

I truly believe that God allows us to walk through certain shadows & valleys... I'm sure everyone agrees that it builds your faith, your trust, etc. Even non-believers quote that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger.

So, here I am with lots of thoughts (most worrisome thoughts), coursing through my mind.

You know, before 4 or so years ago, my health didn't concern me that much. Sure, I wanted to be healthy, but what happened to me ultimately, didn't WORRY me.
I'm not afraid of death, as I know where I'm headed & the glory that awaits me there.
BUT
I do not want to leave these two wonderful kids, who so depend on me... and whose lives would be more full with two parents.

So, that's what I'm thinking about this afternoon....

But on the way home from dr #1, I told God,
'I trust You Lord.
No matter what.'

And I do.

YeeHaw

When I brought this hat & 'accessories' home from a garage sale,

Flynn was thrilled & quick to run & get on her ropers (hand me downs from Cousin Mo),

so she'd have somewhere to put the spurs.

Notice those skinny legs coming from her shorts.... all boo-booed up,

covered in band aids.

Mae West never looked so good.

Put Them in a Padded Room

JEFF Man they're being crazy.

ME I know. I wish we could put them in a room with padded walls & let them go crazy.

JEFF Yep, that would be good.

ME Hey, what would happen if we put them in the pool (unfilled) & they ran around.... would it harm the pool? It is really soft with all the sand & dirt under it. And the walls are rubber!

JEFF I think that'd be just fine!

Quit Growing Up Already, Would You??

These legs belong to Gabe... a picture taken last month, when he fell asleep in the recliner.

For some reason, his legs looked awfully long to me. And they are.

It's scary actually, how quickly he's growing?...which just isn't right.

Isn't there a rule about the baby staying a baby?!

That would make me feel better.

Reasons to thank God,

Who Always Has His Hand in Every Situation...

• First of all, there was a dr in attendance at the party... and it's worth mentioning that he wasn't there at first, his wife made a 2nd trip & went & got him
• The party was at a location approx 2 mi from a hospital
• Flynn came AND GOT ME when she was having the reaction, she could've just laid in the ball pit a while & we would've been none the wiser
• She possibly displayed that she maybe be slightly less sensitive than before (as in the past, her reactions have happened IMMEDIATELY upon her tongue touching the food), this time it took 5-10 minutes for her reaction
• We had planned to be leaving sooner than we did, which would've meant her having a reaction in the car, with me, alone, on the way home (& much further from the hospital)
• She only ate 2 or so cookies
• The cookies were eaten while she was w/ me.... she could've eaten them while I was working & she was with a babysitter (aka fam member), who might not have realized what was going on, which would mean her being at home (by the hospital that would NOT save her life)
• The first epi-pen injection helped, thus saving her life... sometimes the first one doesn't "take"

Psalm 18:

1-2 I love you, God— you make me strong. God is bedrock under my feet, the castle in which I live, my rescuing knight. My God—the high crag where I run for dear life, hiding behind the boulders, safe in the granite hideout.

3 I sing to God, the Praise-Lofty, and find myself safe and saved.

It's Official... I'm Human

It's not easy to be the parent of an allergy kid. NO ONE knows, until they experience it first-hand.
And before I share my screw up, I feel the need to defend my own honor by sharing just how careful I really am....

When eating dinner, I typically eat w/ my right hand, to reserve my left hand (clean) to deal w/ Flynn, her food, her cup, etc.
I label her cup & Gabe's w/ a "G" or an "F", for when Papa, Nana, Grammy, Aunt G, or Hannah babysits.
I read labels once, twice or several times.
I forgo some parties or situations where I feel she might not be kept safe.
I put my career on hold, as working full time would force us to put the kids (Flynn) in a group setting where she might not be kept safe.
I'm her advocate in certain situations like church... for example, we quit the last church we attended because they wouldn't make her classroom a milk-free zone, as the children's director, "[couldn't] ask that of [her] volunteers".
I read everything I can get my eyes on.
We try our hardest to educate Flynn on her allergy, but try just as hard to make her feel like she's "normal" & doesn't miss out on too much.
I'm a clean freak when dealing w/ milk. If I'm giving Gabe his milk cup/refilling it, I wipe the counter off after his lid touches it.
I hover over her in group situations.

And everyone who is around my Flynn-parenting, can attest that we are careful, to a fault. It's almost neurotic how we behave around her.

So, can you imagine that last night, I made the first & worst mistake I've ever made with her....

We went to Delaney's birthday party at Woody's Cafe (a chuck e cheese type of place)... so I had planned to not only bring her her own dinner (plain hamburger happy meal), but I wanted to be sure to bring a special dessert/snack for her to eat while everyone else ate cake.

P.S. I'm on steroids for an allergic skin reaction (to what I'm not sure), and am on a high dose of prednazone, to which I'm blaming any not-myself-ness....

The other day I had the kids (way too close to naptime) at Dierbergs trying to do a quick shopping trip. Gabe was throwing a fit, he was tired & hungry & bored. He was trying to cliff dive from the shopping cart. People were staring, Flynn was laughing & I was sweating.
On the end cap, I spotted the cutest animal crackers. They were iced & sprinkled & were calling for me to buy them, as the funnest b'day cake alternative.
Remember how I mentioned my meticulous behavior when it comes to label reading?...
So I picked them up, at the very bottom was the allergy warning (a practice that the FDA tried to pass by Dec '05) which informed me that the only allergies were peanuts.
I've NEVER by the way, just took their word for it, I've always read each & every ingredient myself to see if any of the 40-something milk-based ingredients are in the food.
But I didn't. I don't know why. Maybe the roids. Maybe Gabe's ability to rush me. I don't know.... Maybe I figured I'd read closely at home?
I didn't.
I grabbed them last nite & I put them in a container for her to eat at the party.
And she did.
Then she ran off into the ball pit & started playing.
About 10 minutes later, she ran up to me & was crying, and sneezing & clawing at her throat & skin.
She was clearly having a reaction....but to what? I had no idea. I sat her in a chair, grabbed her bag, and started medicating her....benadry, albuterol...
Then, as God sent him, up walked a doctor, a friend of the Frosts & he quick got involved.
Not long after, she started to drool & show signs of airway closure.
I knew it in the back of my mind, but Lee pointed out the obvious....the EPI PEN.
I hate the epi pen....altho there are several situatons where she probably SHOULD have had it, I didn't....cuz I'm scared. It's A TON of adrenaline, a shot of a chemical that will open your vessels, your airway, you name it.
That's when I lost it.... you know that I'm typically a calm & collected person when it comes to her health, but I knew this was the worst she has been.
He gave her the shot....and we jumped in the car....
**************************************
We passed a cop who I yelled out my window to for a police escort.... Dr Lee from behind me yelled out that he was a physician & that Flynn was having an allergic reaction.....
but apparently it was donut break in a matter of minutes (sorry to my friends & family whom are policemen & take offense to that), as he declined.
Fine. I turned on the flashers & floored it, pealing away from the cop so he could get back to pasting the big orange sticker on the stalled car (apparently far more important than saving a life).
We blew through red lights & stop signs & in probably 2 mins, I skidded into the ER entrance.
Dr Lee grabbed Flynn & her bag, I grabbed Gabe, and off we ran.
Thanking God a millionth time for Lee, who ran in w/ Flynn, again announced his profession, & what was going on. They ran us back to a room, where in a matter of milliseconds, there were 3 or 4 people in the room.
It was bizarre.
It was surreal.
It was my little girl coming close to death.
**********************************************
I write through tears as I reminsce the way I felt. Jeff was at home 30 minutes away & I was so scared. I realize at times like that just how much I rely on him...and thank God that I'm fortunate enough to have a husband who is an equal partner in parenting.
**********************************************
They gave Flynn another shot of epinephrine, more antihistamine, and started her on oxygen & albuterol, and something else that I'm forgetting. They put leads on her chest, to monitor her heart (that epinephrine is some crazy stuff), and she had a "glow toe" (blood ox pulse thing on her toe).
Her swelling started going down. But we spent the rest of the night under close observation with regular intervals of meds.

Can I tell you what a stud this girl is? Other than crying from the epi pen (which I would do too), she didn't cry. She never showed fear. She is amazing.

When I was holding her cheek to mine while she got the epi pen, we talked again about the lesson that meant so much to her a few weeks ago.... the book of Joshua: God is with us always. He never leaves us. I'll tell you that I needed it as much as she did. Maybe more.

I wish I could be more like her. She never doubts it. She's quick to remind me that God made "the earth, the planet we live on" & that Jesus lives in our hearts. When she looked at me through her swollen eyes last night, she reminded me that it was okay.

This morning, while we drove to my parents to get Gabe, she called up to Jeff, "I wanna be a teacher when I get big, just like you." Even though her professions of choice are fleeting, it didn't keep Jeff & I from getting teary-eyed.
And I think she could be a doctor. But God's definitely got something special planned for her.

Eggs to Dye For...More Shots of Easter

Gonna Make My Blue Eyes Brown

Not only does this photo show how bad little Flynn's eczema used to be, but that her eyes have not always been the dark chocolate eyes that we see today.

This picture was taken when Flynn was about 10 months old. Her eyes were still blue & were slowly turning green/hazel, which they'd only be for a few months. Her eyes settled on the beautiful brown they are today, when she was about 14 months old.

This was such a cute stage. And she was such an adorable little girl, just about everything she did made us ooh & ahh.

This is What You'd Call, Sibling UNrivalry

An unusual, but welcomed sight!
I guess since they were looking proper on Easter morning....
they decided to ACT proper.
I don't care the reason why.
I just love to see them act this way.

Even if it is only once a year. ;)

Happy Fifth Anniversary!

Five years ago I was sweating, scared, & popping a zanix.

I was hoping it wouldn't rain, hoping the heat index wouldn't get any higher...and praying I wouldn't forget the words the song I'd be singing.

I was nervous.... we'd done everything ourselves & on a very tight budget. This made me worried, did I forget something, would I do everything okay?

I waited in a room at my parents after I'd gotten ready. I peeked out to see who had shown up for our big day, then I saw Dan leading Jeff & his friend Mike out to their places. My stomach did a flip-flop when I saw him. How did I get such a gorgeous man?

My parents' place was so beautiful. And despite the fact that he was about to melt, Jeff looked more handsome than ever.

So it went off without a hitch. Everyone nearly died of heat, but it was beautiful. And I'll forever hold the memory & think of it everytime I drive up my parents' road.

The wedding was important, but even more important than that is the fact that our marriage is so incredible. There was a big chunk of time in the beginning where I kept waiting... because surely someone can't be as perfect as Jeff is. I seemed to always be expecting the other shoe to drop....

But it never did. And through all we've experienced, Jeff still is pretty darn close to perfect.

Happy 5th Anniversary Jeff. I love you... and am looking forward to spending fifty more anniversaries with you.

I Can See Clearly Now