Vision Questions for 2009

1. What skill do you most want to learn this year?
Maybe learn some new dishes (that are CHEAP). But more importantly, learn the skill of, um, BEING PATIENT (is that a skill or a virtue or what??)
2. What is one skill you already have that you’d like to improve this year?
turkey sounds. no kidding.
but really, i don't know so much a bout improving it (I think it's already perfected).
i think i'm a decent teacher. and am super frugal. so maybe a frugal teacher? i could go out on the road w/ that? a traveling frugal teacher show?
shoot, this is supposed to be serious. okay. a'hem.
i want to be more organized w/ my frugality techniques. like, finding/cutting a coupon does you no good if u let it expire. etc.
3. Name three books you most definitely want to read in 2009.
1.the bible
2.sacred marriage (started last yr, never finished)
3.a praying wife. and finish the other ones i started in '08.
4. In what specific area do you most want to encourage your spouse?
one time i read an article about a dad... he was talking about how his wife & him are supposed to be a team. only he feels like she's the coach & he's on the team. and i laughed. but then felt really guilty. becuz i talk a big talk about how we're a team, but then i'm constantly yelling to him that he's up to bat.
i would like to remind him that he is the lead of our relationship. and encouragement does not come from my words, yet from my deeds. and i've become increasingly conscientious about how my actions have been a reminder to him that i want to be in charge. but i really don't. really. i want to encourage him to feel comfortable in his spiritual role as the head of our home.
What are some ways you can do this?
by being a constant reminder that i am to submit to him. and that doesn't mean, "honey, you make the decision." but then when he decides to buy a black microwave instead of a white one, that i sulk for 5 years until that one breaks (or until he gets tired of my pouting & buys a white one). that's not a true story...but it sounds true, doesn't it?
i would never ask one of my kids to do something that's new to them, then criticize how they did it. so why should i do that to my spouse.
i will PRAYERFULLY practice not only my role, but practice being a support to the role that God has given jeff.
5. Think of one of your major life goals. What will you do this year to make you one step closer to reaching that goal?
believe it or not, in my life, i set goals. and i've reached them all. no joke. they were (marry, be a mom, and be a teacher). i've done them all.
but i'm not teaching right now. and i miss it HORRIBLY.
6. Name your kids’ biggest strengths. What are some ways you can specifically nourish those strengths?
Flynn has a God-given artistic gift. I'm not just being a proud mom. She does things artistically that far surpass what is age-appropriate. I see that in many areas in her little life. I'm going to work extra hard this year to give her opportunity to develop that. And I don't just mean buying new paints for our art carts. She needs a new avenue to explore her skills.
Gabe is very musical. Most of the songs he 'sings' are only recognizable by their tune (thank God he can carry a tune, because you certainly can't understand his words!). For a while now, when he hears piano, he will put his fingers up, as tho he is playing one. He got a guitar from santa & is REALLY into it.
I would like to see what our options might be (financially) to pursue lessons of some kind.
7. Name your kids’ most prominent weakness. What are some ways you can encourage their ability to overcome it?
Something I've noticed in Flynn, in just the last couple of weeks, is that she's starting to REALLY care what other people think of her. That's okay to a certain extent. I'm afraid that her self conciousness could be partly due to the fact that we trained her so hard to behave & be aware of others & their feelings. It's great to have a well-behaved child, but not if it means breaking their spirit.
Lately, she has started to get dressed, or accessorized & she paused. I can tell she's thinking. Then she'll ask me, "Do you think _____ will like my shirt?" etc.
It pains me. I want her to like herself first. And others accepting her as a bonus.
How can I do this? For starters, Jeff & I need to lay off our discipline. We've recognized & agreed that we've been too strict on her. We've made a perfect child & that only does everyone else good. Not her.
I want to build up in her an esteem that comes from her knowing that her worth lies in God. That she IS beautiful & that thinking that she is, is what's important. I really could care less what others think about me (to an extent) & I pray that some of that rubs off on her. She needs to be secure in herself. To grow into being a healthy whole... so that she's not constantly seeking validation from others.
Gabe's weaknesses are not as easy to pinpoint. He has some 'difficulties' going on. And we're in the process of diagnosing those, so we can move forward.
Gabe has a strength, that is also a weakness. And that is that his love language is touch. He loves to be loved on. But it also works against him. Disciplining him has been a challenge. And even things done out of love seem to aggravate the process.
I believe that we are encouraging others to help us help him to overcome what he has been fighting against.
But I certainly don't want to get caught up in the process & forget about the one we're fighting for.
What I've already seen us doing is re-evaluating some of the stuff we found important before. And deciding which battles are worth picking.
And remember that above all, our children seeing their parents' marriage as a united front, is the most beneficial thing we can do for them.
8. What is one of your strengths? Think of some specific ways you can exercise it this year.
I am very administrative (read: bossy). I can be (used to be) very organized. And probably the biggest strength is my creativity.
Whenever I read those traits, I instantly think of teaching, as it incorporates all of those attributes.
But also good parenting comes from those, if channeled properly.
I hope to tune those strengths into good home management. Put the unimportant things on the back burner & use my time wisely, first, on the things that help our home run smoothly.
9. What is one of your weaknesses? Brainstorm some ideas on how you can overcome this deficiency.
I battle anxiety. And some days it seems to be what's in charge of me. God is the sole provider of my peace & carefreeness. So, if I don't start my day off with Him & time spent 'with' Him, I can forget about relaxing at all (at any capacity).
My anxiousness can sometime lead way to negativity, if I let it. Which can snowball into a desperate feeling of there's nothing we can do about it.
There are some things you have no control over. And at that fork in the road, you make the decision, do I buck up & deal. Or do I go down the path of letting our battle consume us?
My practical ideas include:
prayer - a time in the morning, when I resolved to start my day (which effects the days of so many others) with God. Praising Him & asking Him to be in charge of my life, my world, & my family. To give me the 'things' I need to love others.
water - it sounds so stupid. but i get too busy to even drink sometimes. and dehydration leads to fatigue, and fatigue will feed into any problem you have potential of having.
attitude - keep working toward what i've been working toward my whole life... and that's NOT LETTING THINGS BOTHER ME. i can't. literally. if something bothers me, my blood pressure goes up. and widowing my hot hubs & leaving my kids w/o a momma, becuz i can't let things roll off my shoulder, seem PRETTY SILLY. right? i'm actively working toward a solution for this. short of a personality transplant. ;)
10. Think of an important relationship aside from your spouse and children. How will you nurture that relationship this year?
i instantly think of God here. and that would be the relationship more important than ALL others (including spouse & children).
nurturing it includes:
prayer
time reading the bible
meditation (a scripture of the day, muttering it under my breath all day, in line at the store, in the car)
sharing Him w/ others.
11. Name a few ways your physical health could be improved.
see nine.
i also need an exercise regiment. and becuz of lack of finances. lack of space. lack of time. it constantly gets shoved to the back burner.
12. Name a few ways your family’s financial health could be improved.
we've actually tweaked & creaked a budget. there's not a lot more that can change aside from more income.
i think that this year will be the year we see more freedom with that. and that's me having faith that full time work will come my way.
when that day does come, there will be a big temptation to spend. and we can't. we have to be responsible with what God gives us. that means sticking to our budget, even when my income doubles. we have lots of swimming to do until we reach debt-free shore. and right now, we're doggy-paddling.
some things we are committed to:
keeping our cars for years & years until they literally die
buying a modest house, whose mortgage won't be a lot more than the cheap one we have
not adding things to our monthly payments
financial freedom through no debt
13. In what way do you want to draw closer to God?
i blogged about this yesterday, but I want to know Him so strongly that i start to see His attributes THROUGH me. that even i am shocked when i see my actions reflecting Him.
14. What is one area of home management that frustrates you? Think of some specific ways you could improve your attitude about it.
disorganization. it gives me anxiety. it LITERALLY can make me sick. it's a waster.
ways to improve my attitude? i dont' know that i should feel differently about it. becuz not being organized can reak havoc on our home.
15. We're going to make a family mission statement.
16. Name one specific thing you could do with your spouse this year that will deepen your intimacy.
We have been so good about praying together EVERY SINGLE NIGHT, and sadly, we've slacked as of late. It might not immediately seem to negatively effect us, but how could it not??
I'd love to take a weekend trip away w/ Jeff. We have NEVER done this since having kids (all we've gotten away together has been a night). It would be nice to pack up some stuff & head out of dodge. And concentrate on just each other all weekend. But financially, I don't see it happening this year.
17. What is something that is continually undone in your life? What will you do to fully complete it this year?
I have lots of 'projects' that I start & don't finish. They might be small but I would like to finish them. Esp scrapbooking. I'm losing memories that should be documented. I would at least like to finish my kids' baby books.
18. In what ways will you be involved with your local community?
I don't know. I'd like to think that my work in my home church positively effects the community.
19. What is one thing you’d like to accomplish by your birthday this year?
Losing 20+ more pounds.
20. Think of three words you’d like to describe your 2009.
Health. Wholeness. Contentment.

Reflection Questions for 2008

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?

That's hard to narrow down... there are a few....

being able to afford a "new" car for Jeff,

Flynn & Gabe in the same school now & that being a success (esp w/ the allergy),

our hair donations,

good jobs,

HEALTHY family -- extended & beyond,

another clean screening for aunt alice,

the norris' coming back to MO,

there are a lot of best things ;)

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?

Gabe's speech delay & trying to get him some help
3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?

Gabe starting preschool, he LOVES it
4. What was an unexpected obstacle?

Not finding a full time job
5. Pick three words to describe 2008.

healthy, blessed, happy
6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your 2008 (don’t ask them; guess based on how you think your spouse sees you).

fun, safe, happy
7. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their 2008 (again, without asking).

probably the same (we are almost one person ;)
8. What were the best books you read this year?

the Bible; I started RAISING SPIRITUAL CHAMPIONS and MAKING SUNDAY THE BEST DAY OF THE WEEK but I didn't finish either of those
9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?

family.  and definitely, friends.
10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?

my hair! ha!  I have also really come to terms w/ some flaws... or parts of my life that need work (or meds! ;)
11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?

I hope that I grew ;)  I definitely "honed in" on some spots that I need help with.
12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?

another part of God's greatness has been revealed.  i'm learning so much about Him & how unconditional He is. (that's a lot to learn from!!)
13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?

I lost about 13 lbs in the last 5-6 weeks.  Hoping to lose about 20 more & get stronger.
14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?

I think friendships are stronger.  And Jeff & I are in an awesome (yet eventful!) place in our relationship.  Parenting is getting 'easier' (altho Gabe is not easy) & that puts less strain on your marriage. 
15. What was the most enjoyable area of managing your home?

laundry, NOT.  I love when I have a day where the 'other' stuff in my life doesn't get in the way of my home-mgmt.  When I have supper on the table & happy sounds in my home.  It doesn't happen often, but when it does, it makes me super happy.
16. What was your most challenging area of home management?

organization!!...feels like fighting a losing battle.  your WHOLE home is based around organization...and if someone tallied up, the hours wasted (looking for stuff!) by us, it would no doubt make me ill.
17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?

looking for things.  2nd on the list is reading blogs. ;)  that has changed a lot in the last month or so, things have gotten so much busier, i'm unable to keep up.
18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?

spending time one on one w/ my kids.  going on dates with them.  and staying up late hanging out w/ jeff.  THOSE are the things that I will never ever never regret doing.  and my kids will remember time spent w/ us forever.
19. What was the biggest thing you learned this past year?

not to dwell on the negative.  it can destroy you.  love people for who they are, or if you can't, concentrate on the loveable.  it does your heart good.
20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2008 for you.

"Just when you think you've seen all the great in life, it gets even sweeter."

Questions 'stolen' from Simple Mom, one of my favorite blogs.

My Journey part 2

I thought I'd better get to blogging on anything that's transpired in this life change otherwise known as 'going back to full time.'
Granted, most of the changes have been in my heart, my mind, & my spirit, I thought they were worth sharing.
And most importantly, I want you to be in on it when God reveals the awesomeness He has in store for me.

So, these things have happened thus far:

• I've created my resume. This was harder than I thought. I haven't taught since I was pregnant with Flynn & I'm afraid that doesn't look so great.
• I've begun collecting letters of recommendation. Again, these letters that past teachers & former supervisor / principal have written were over five years old. Hoping that doesn't matter.
• Started a daily check on moreap.net & dese's job search. Have also begun searching on individual district's websites to see if they post job openings; learned most don't.
• Contacted my "fall back" (already??!!, yes, I'm not patient!)...this was the one situation I thought for sure would provide a position - a really nice (young / new) principal we attended church with at our last church. She told me she has no foreseen openings but will be sure to think of me & contact me if something opens up before the fall. I was SAD to hear that. Like I said, I thought it was my sure thing as she offered me jobs in the past (when I didn't want them).
• Preschool deposits for the fall. Just to be sure. Besides, no matter what, we want Flynn in preschool.

See? Not much.

But here's the great thing, I feel more at peace. At first I thought, "Ugh, going back to work. LEAVING MY BABIES - sniff sniff - I don't wanna!!!!!" Now I'm all, "Going back to work. Getting out of debt. Paying bills on time. Jeff not working himself to death. Teaching again (smile). Doing what I love."

Here's my struggle. I am A CONTROL FREAK. And if I don't feel in control of the one thing I always have control over (my life), it literally gnaws away at my brain. I want to know what I'm doing every moment of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year. And friends, if I don't know precisely what I'm doing in six months it is definitely means to insomnia.

Because if I know what I'm doing, I have a better idea of what my kids are doing. Then I can start labeling epi-pens & typing up to do lists & giving caregivers a 3-page WORD document on the best way to put Gabe down for his nap.

But let this be a lesson to me. GOD IS IN CONTROL. Not me this time. Actually, He always is... but this time it's just Him. And my reliance on Him. Just Him. Not my silly resume or my late night internet job searches. Trust. And faith. And hope. And completely letting go of my neurotic need for doing it on my own.

We've went through similar situations. When I was pregnant with Flynn. We couldn't for the life of us figure out why God 'hadn't provided' a job for each of us. But it wasn't 'til months later - when I was put on bed rest & had pre eclampsia - that we realized that He didn't want me to find a job that I'd stress about leaving.

See, He loves these moments where (sometimes months later, sometimes years) He looks down & sees us coming to the realization that (duh) He knows best. Where we scratch our head & admit, "OOhh, that's why ...... "

So, I'm looking forward to my aha God moment. I am anxiously anticipating seeing the great gig He has in store for me.

I know it's going to be better than I could've ever hoped for.

I Was on a Holiday High

We were on our way to church... it was Christmas Eve.
The kids looked adorable (so did Jeff) & we were excited about the evening & what it would hold.
We were literally singing carols - along with the Baby Einsteins Christmas cd, when Jeff let out a sad sigh, like a twinge of pain.

When I jerked my head in his direction, he motioned to a car on the side of the road. With a driver who was placing wreathes
on crosses.

It quickly jolted me back to reality...their reality at least. My eyes welled up with tears. I couldn't sing again.

But I was thankful. And reminded how truly blessed we are.

bless·ed
–adjective
1.
consecrated; sacred; holy; sanctified: the Blessed Sacrament.
2.
worthy of adoration, reverence, or worship: the Blessed Trinity.
3.
divinely or supremely favored; fortunate: to be blessed with a strong, healthy body; blessed with an ability to find friends.
4.
blissfully happy or contented.
5.
Roman Catholic Church. beautified.
6.
bringing happiness and thankfulness: the blessed assurance of a steady income.
7.
Informal. I'm blessed if I know.
8.
Informal. (used as an intensifier): every blessed cent.

What Will I Rename This Blog?

As the days near, to that point (when? I'm not sure) when the bulk of my day won't be spent at home, I am starting now to appreciate it.

Did we plan it to be this way? No. We didn't. We always planned to have these two kids & for me to promptly return to work after each of them.
But destiny has a way of making a person say, "huh?" & it definitely left us dumbfounded.

I've always been one of those people. The kind that are quick to do something...actually do without thinking...then later say, 'I wish I hadn't.' Or who want something -- the proverbial grass on the other side, that's greener. Then, I find myself on the greener side & realize, I miss the less-green side.

These days I've spent at home, knowing it could be no other way, I've basically spent grumbling, complaining, agonizing over unpaid bills. Living with just the basics. Clipping coupons. Garage sales. And tv antennae rabbit ears.

God forgive me...
He gave me this gift, the only way He knew I'd accept it. Without choice. We have made this work. And granted it's going to take us a really long time to climb the slippery wall of debt, we'll do it & we'll know that for the first few years of Gabe's life & the whole preschoolhood of Flynn's, I was here. Holding them when they were sick. Letting them sleep in (if they would already!). And not missing a single beat.

Just a few days ago, I was planning in my mind, my return to the full time work force. We know it will be fall of '09 (when Flynn can be away from me in the 'safety' of a nearby school...if not the school I teach in), if not sooner in the event she outgrows this crazy allergy -- or if something else were to work out. And it all started orchestrating itself as a reality to me.

Especially with Gabe, this is all I've known. Never taking him to a sitter or handing him to a stranger. Yet that will become a reality.

Today, in Gabe's poopy-stupor, we braved out to the post office because of sheer necessity. And in celebration of not being pooped on all day, we stopped at the park we were about to pass.

It was sunny. Not crowded. And for a single period of time, I kid you not, it was if God had a single beam of light shining down on the three of us. We played. Blew bubbles. I chased them around a tree & spun them until we were all dizzy.

They drive me crazy...I vent in honesty all the time. But today I was so blissfully happy to be with them.

I am so thankful how things have turned out.

FREEDOM

The kids made a flag this morning. As I showed Flynn a 'real' flag, I felt the need to explain what it symbolized. I told her about the stripes & stars & what they each represented. When I was trying to explain the concept of states (remember, just a year ago, Flynn thought we lived at Home Depot), I thought I'd best explain it by, "We live in Missouri, but people like us live all in other states. Mommy has a friend in Texas."

"I have a friend named Alex."

I could see I wasn't really getting anywhere.

So I started talking about freedom. I told her that in America, we're so lucky because we can do all sorts of things & get to have a lot. I pointed to the backyard, at the plethera of playthings, "In some countries, little girls like you don't have things to play with outside. Some can't even play outside."

That kinda struck home with her.
"But why?"

"Because, it's not safe."

It got me thinking...

We aren't rich, by any stretch of the imagination. As a matter of fact, I'd be willing to wager that we fall in the lower bracket. There's a lot that we can't afford to get; even what some people consider basic stuff like cable, electronics, a tv from this decade, etc.

But there is so much we have....

We get to get up on a Sunday morning & go to church.
We get to go to the doctor, one of our own choosing (with a lot to choose from!!).
Then, we're able to go get medicine.
We have a slew of stores to choose from, as we grocery shop, with coupons I might add.
There are parks, safe ones, that we can have fun at.
There are garage sales, and hand me downs, and great things that other people don't need.
There are libraries, where we can enjoy literature, and No David (my fav) board books.
We have two vehicles (well, the bank owns them, but are letting us pay them for the cars, and letting us care for them and ride in them).
We can go on a vacation, drive across the country, and not have to pass a border or explain ourselves to someone who could just deny us our trip.

We don't just have enough, we have plenty.

And, if we were by chance born in another country, one without the fine things & opportunities that ours offers,
Flynn might not have lived when I gave her the wrong cookie.
Do you think Ethiopia has epi pens?
Would I be able to get a cortisone shot in Zimbabwe?
If Flynn was born prematurely in Nairobi, would she have lived? Would I have died of a preclamptic stroke?

My prayer is that I remember those things, when I start foolishly feeling sorry for myself because we live check to check. Or when I groan as I adjust our "rabbit's ears antenae", as we're only able to receive 4 channels. Or if our current state of flat broke means forgoing next year's vacation or declining on invitation to join someone for dinner.

Blessed beyond measure...
2 CORINTHIANS 4:
7However, we possess this precious treasure [the divine Light of the Gospel] in [frail, human] vessels of earth, that the grandeur and exceeding greatness of the power may be shown to be from God and not from ourselves.
8We are hedged in (pressed) on every side [troubled and oppressed in every way], but not cramped or crushed; we suffer embarrassments and are perplexed and unable to find a way out, but not driven to despair;
9We are pursued (persecuted and hard driven), but not deserted [to stand alone]; we are struck down to the ground, but never struck out and destroyed;
10Always carrying about in the body the liability and exposure to the same putting to death that the Lord Jesus suffered, so that the [[a]resurrection] life of Jesus also may be shown forth by and in our bodies.
11For we who live are constantly [experiencing] being handed over to death for Jesus' sake, that the [[b]resurrection] life of Jesus also may be evidenced through our flesh which is liable to death.
12Thus death is actively at work in us, but [it is in order that [c]our] life [may be actively at work] in you.
13Yet we have the same spirit of faith as he had who wrote, I have believed, and therefore have I spoken. We too believe, and therefore we speak,(B)
14Assured that He Who raised up the Lord Jesus will raise us up also with Jesus and bring us [along] with you into His presence.
15For all [these] things are [taking place] for your sake, so that the more grace (divine favor and spiritual blessing) extends to more and more people and multiplies through the many, the more thanksgiving may increase [and redound] to the glory of God.
16Therefore we do not become discouraged (utterly spiritless, exhausted, and wearied out through fear). Though our outer man is [progressively] decaying and wasting away, yet our inner self is being [progressively] renewed day after day.
17For our light, momentary affliction (this slight distress of the passing hour) is ever more and more abundantly preparing and producing and achieving for us an everlasting weight of glory [beyond all measure, excessively surpassing all comparisons and all calculations, a vast and transcendent glory and blessedness never to cease!],
18Since we consider and look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen; for the things that are visible are temporal (brief and fleeting), but the things that are invisible are deathless and everlasting.

Thank You God for our freedom & for the plenty.

A Little Reflection

Now this part is strange & kinda funny too, as it can show you the evolution of my many thoughts. Below in red, find what I had planned to blog, then in black, find my reflection:

"I have high expectations for myself. I believe that I extend that to others, which is a huge mistake & a major stressor.
But I'm learning, even at 28 (okay, 33), I'm learning.
Here are some things I've learned lately:
There are some times when you shouldn't stick your neck out. There's something to be said about not raising your hand in class, not signing up to volunteer, not speaking out. Albeit, all of those things aren't typical Amy-style, laying low has its benefits.
Now I'm not suggesting, Looking Out For Number 1, or "Numero Uno", but maybe there's a happy medium? I know I was raised to serve, hard work & helping others is in my nature, but perhaps I need a period of just doing for me. Doing what is asked of me?, sure. But thinking of things I can do for other people instead of for me & my family?, no."
Wow. Talk about Anti-Christ!
Gees Amy, do you think Jesus helped other people for a thank you? For a pat on the back. For a positive result of some kind?
Nope.
Matter of fact, He got killed for it.
Perhaps it's a maturation of thought... but I have to reach the point where I serve, I give, I do selflessly for other people, then, that's it. The process doesn't extend to what the recipient does or says. I'm sure Jesus would've loved a thank you note when he healed the blind man, but that's not why he did it. And I have my doubts that he went & blogged about it.
In the bible, it's pretty plain about this topic:
Colossians 3:23:
Work at everything you do with all your heart. Work as if you were working for the Lord, not for human masters.
I guess there should be no misunderstanding there... and if you really do as it says, there should be NO disappointments, as the pay is great & the retirement is unbelievable!
I always have lots to learn.