My Journey part 2

I thought I'd better get to blogging on anything that's transpired in this life change otherwise known as 'going back to full time.'
Granted, most of the changes have been in my heart, my mind, & my spirit, I thought they were worth sharing.
And most importantly, I want you to be in on it when God reveals the awesomeness He has in store for me.

So, these things have happened thus far:

• I've created my resume. This was harder than I thought. I haven't taught since I was pregnant with Flynn & I'm afraid that doesn't look so great.
• I've begun collecting letters of recommendation. Again, these letters that past teachers & former supervisor / principal have written were over five years old. Hoping that doesn't matter.
• Started a daily check on moreap.net & dese's job search. Have also begun searching on individual district's websites to see if they post job openings; learned most don't.
• Contacted my "fall back" (already??!!, yes, I'm not patient!)...this was the one situation I thought for sure would provide a position - a really nice (young / new) principal we attended church with at our last church. She told me she has no foreseen openings but will be sure to think of me & contact me if something opens up before the fall. I was SAD to hear that. Like I said, I thought it was my sure thing as she offered me jobs in the past (when I didn't want them).
• Preschool deposits for the fall. Just to be sure. Besides, no matter what, we want Flynn in preschool.

See? Not much.

But here's the great thing, I feel more at peace. At first I thought, "Ugh, going back to work. LEAVING MY BABIES - sniff sniff - I don't wanna!!!!!" Now I'm all, "Going back to work. Getting out of debt. Paying bills on time. Jeff not working himself to death. Teaching again (smile). Doing what I love."

Here's my struggle. I am A CONTROL FREAK. And if I don't feel in control of the one thing I always have control over (my life), it literally gnaws away at my brain. I want to know what I'm doing every moment of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year. And friends, if I don't know precisely what I'm doing in six months it is definitely means to insomnia.

Because if I know what I'm doing, I have a better idea of what my kids are doing. Then I can start labeling epi-pens & typing up to do lists & giving caregivers a 3-page WORD document on the best way to put Gabe down for his nap.

But let this be a lesson to me. GOD IS IN CONTROL. Not me this time. Actually, He always is... but this time it's just Him. And my reliance on Him. Just Him. Not my silly resume or my late night internet job searches. Trust. And faith. And hope. And completely letting go of my neurotic need for doing it on my own.

We've went through similar situations. When I was pregnant with Flynn. We couldn't for the life of us figure out why God 'hadn't provided' a job for each of us. But it wasn't 'til months later - when I was put on bed rest & had pre eclampsia - that we realized that He didn't want me to find a job that I'd stress about leaving.

See, He loves these moments where (sometimes months later, sometimes years) He looks down & sees us coming to the realization that (duh) He knows best. Where we scratch our head & admit, "OOhh, that's why ...... "

So, I'm looking forward to my aha God moment. I am anxiously anticipating seeing the great gig He has in store for me.

I know it's going to be better than I could've ever hoped for.