Diagrams of Explanation (she takes after me)

A few mos ago, I comically illustrated a slight would-be-altercation between myself & some half-cocked lady in the Lowe's parking lot at the bluffs; wherein she blamed me for going back in time, leaving my car, turning a stop sign 90 degrees, so that when I went through the intersection later (in present time), I wouldn't have to stop.
"Somebody turned the sign!"
WHAT? REALLY?
Why not just accept blame by saying, "I didn't know you didn't have a stop sign, sorry."
But then again, that's what I get for stopping in the middle of the intersection & asking her why she honked & gestured.
Sheesh, it's almost like I'm an elementary teacher or something.

Anywho, to make the story more interesting later, when retelling it to my nieces, I sketched a little map to go along with my retelling. Complete with a cactus for Qdoba & a bulls eye for Target.
We laughed so hard that I magnet-ed it to the fridge.
And later texted it to my nieces so they could get just one more laugh out of it (because, you know, we're short on laughs in our family... /sarcasm).

Meanwhile, back at the ranch....

This morning, when my two littles forgot it was a holiday (the same way they forget every five days that it's a weekend) & came into our room (around 7'ish?), we sent them back out with a request to play quietly while Daddy & I (who did not forget it was a holiday) slept for mere minutes more.

It doesn't take long for some kind of disagreement to break out between my almost-Irish twins & this time, Flynn wanted to be sure that we knew E-X-A-C-T-L-Y what went down.

That is why she drew this:

to show Daddy & I, what transpired between her & her bubby.
COMPLETE with a brown vapor -- so that we could almost smell what she smelled.

And to this, I say,
the NUT doesn't fall far....

#it'sastoundingthatwe'reinchargeofchildren

Wow... I've never used a hash tag in lieu of a blog title before.

So, you may remember "Barbie Head" & all her antics. That little hooch wanted my husband & we both knew it. Only, she was far too stalker'ish. What, with her creepy ways of waiting for him in bed... and being in his car when he got in it in the morning, to go to work.

Enter: "Life-Size Barbie". She's 10 times the fun. But lots harder to transport.

LSB (let's abbreviate for the sake of time & keys) has waited outside of the bathroom while Jeff showers (picture her stiff arms propping her against his closed door... and sliding...slowly...toward him while he unknowingly swings said door open...by the way, her hair was fixed extra special that night, with a poof up front & some french rolls in back).
Picture her waiting in the dark laundry room for his 5:45 am departure for work.
And once Flynn got in on the action, LSB even joined us for dinner... although she wasn't a fan of the sweet potato fries or the zoo pals plate (much too unsophisticated for her liking).


So, LSB was hoping for something a little extra special tonight. And waited for Jeff in the shower, with baited breath. Flynn was in on the action & watched me prep LSB, with eyes as large as silver dollars.
I only wish I'd seen Jeff's reaction when he went into the bathroom to shower, and found this:It really is amazing that anyone takes me serious, ever. Also amazing?: that I've never been committed.

Last Night We Ate the Elephant's Hind-Quarters

...and it ended up being more than one bite.





Actually, it was enough to make me not want to eat, literally.


I do not like buying a car. ESPECIALLY, from a dealership. And am not a fan of haggling & doing the dance with the sales guy,


"Can you do better?"
"Let me go ask."
"That's all you're giving us on our trade-in?"
"Well, I can go up this much, but I can't go any more."



He brought up the check engine light (yah, about that...). And I brought up the weird smell in the car we were buying.


He brought up the economy. Jeff brought up the year of the car we were buying.

We just kept thinking about our frequent trips to the mechanic the last few months. Heck, I think that Jeff single-handedly financed the mechanic's daughter's braces. And, it was a bit too much when we drove up at the shop the other night, & there was a monument built in front of the garage, it was a black jetta. Engraved underneath was the word, "sucka".

Just kidding.

But not joking about the frequent trips & often breakdowns.

Back to our tango with Keith (aka Kenny Rogers) the bearded salesguy.

3 hours later, my blood pressure was setting a world record, my cheeks were rosy like Santa's, & I was begging for a diet dr pepper.





So, at bedtime, up we drove in the 'new' ride. I told Jeff that his grandma would be proud of his new car.

If I Win, It Will Certainly Help Our Financial Predicament

nuts@crazy.us

Our phone / internet bill recently took a drastic increase, like by $30. That's nuts.

So, we're switching to charter. And with this change comes one of my most dreaded deals: changing email address.

Did you know?, we used to be "pairoperrys" when we were first married. Pretty funny, as we were only just a pair for 17 mos (would've been longer if said bun didn't pop from the oven very early).

I think an email address says a lot about a person. Especially when it's your main mode of communication & you'd MUCH rather shoot an email versus a phone call (who me?!).

Any ideas on what our new email address could be? I'll give you a hint, the current one is heyperrys @ ____ . While I found that really hard to explain/spell, to people, it served us well.

The following email addresses are out of the running:

stillblamingbabyweight@onthe3yrold.com
losingpatience@neveryellatyourkids.us
sick&tiredofbeingsick&tired@vitaminsdontwork.com
queenoftempertantrums@icanscream&kick.too
myhouseisneverclean@lysolwipesarentjustforcounters.ick
supernannywhereareyou@iwasjudgementalbeforekidsofmyown.us
whatextramoney@hubbyscar.lemon
stillinpjsat9am@hatewearingabra.saggy

These addresses have already been taken:

seymourbutts@underthebleachers.com
rustysprings@ipnightly.com

Hahaha... I'm so immature. My uncle said those (as titles/authors of books) when I was about 12 & I still think it's funny (in that sleep-depriving kind of way).

Okay, suggestions?

I Heart You, "Room Time"

Yesterday afternoon, the kids had just kind of had it with each other (to put it lightly). And when they start picking at each other, I start picking at them. It wears on me to see them hating on each other (but then, why do they LOVE to be right next to each other?...and me!).

This morning, 10 minutes into our day, they started to argue.

No way, Jose.

So, after breakfast, I announced, "When the timer goes off, we will have ROOM TIME!"

"What's ROOM TIME?"

"ROOM TIME is time that we spend in our room. All by ourself. Momma will have two things out for you to play with. Two things you haven't played with in a while."

So, while the timer ticked away its last few seconds, I quickly straightened each little's room & sat out two game/activities/toys they hadn't seen in a month or so.

That was 10 precious minutes ago. Thankfully it's worked out, as I've been on hold for 9 minutes waiting for an at&t representative.

Looks like we'll be having ROOM TIME a couple of times each day, from now on!

OMG! It's Phyllis! What a bday treat!

This is so great, there's no way I could make it up...

So, hot hubs takes me on my birthday date. To my favorite restaurant.

When the hostess walks us to our seat, I casually glance at those dining around us.

That's when I spied her.

Phyllis from my favorite show.

I sat down across from Jeff & couldn't contain myself,

"Oh My Gosh!, It's Phyllis!!"

Trying to figure out what the heck I was talking about, he turned around & saw her.

"No way. NO WAY."

We were still trying to make sure it was really her. I mean, for crying out loud, we live in the central US, there aren't a lot of celebs frequenting our city. Let alone, my favorite eating establishment, where the priciest dish is a $20 surf & turf.

"Okay, I'm going to go to the bathroom & when I walk by her, I'll make sure it's really her."

So hubs confirmed. And then I did my walk to the restroom wherein I took a different route (oh yah, that'll really look inconspicuous).

IT WAS SO TOTALLY PHYLLIS.

But while I was gone, my hubby whose forwardness can surprise me on occasion, actually approached her. He apologized for interrupting dinner & conversation, but explained that it was his wife's birthday, who is a huge fan. Would Phyllis be so kind as to gift me with an autograph & photo after finishing dinner?

He said she was super gracious about it.

It was so funny watching servers, bus-boys, etc., finding things to do around her table. The waitress gave them like 200% better service than us (don't blame her!).

So, as Phyllis & her mother finished up, paid their bill, she - as promised - made her way over to the table. She had already written me a birthday note (she had thought to ask Jeff my name). She introduced herself & shook my hand. She couldn't have been any sweeter, my goodness. She was so down to earth. She saw my soup & said, "Oh, isn't that soup great?!" She talked a little about the new season & how funny it is. But that she hopes we'll think it's funny (who is she kidding?!!)!!

So, we posed for the photo. Afterward I gave her a big hug. Heck, I feel like I know her....almost asked her if Bob Vance was waiting at home. She even introduced us to her mom & asked me which birthday it is. When I told her, she said, "Oh, you're young."

Then, she suggested that someone take a photo of all 3 of us.

Then, she made some more small talk. Shook our hands again, told us to take care.

What a nice lady.

And WHAT A FUN BDAY!!!!! This one goes down in the books!!

PS If you haven't yet entered the contest below, hurry!!

What a Fun Wednesday

Not only did Jeff have one more flexible day (only soccer practice), but I have the opportunity to do something fun today.

I'm not being detailed enough...

I kind of got 'selected' (for lack of a better description) to do something today.

Something I otherwise wouldn't be able to afford; nor would I have taken the time out for.



If it goes as I plan (& hope), I'll be happy to share photos later.



Any guesses?

Unspectacular Quirks

I was tagged by my new blog-pal, Julie (my hyperlink isn't working, so imagine her blessedby5 blogspot hotspotted there), for a new meme...of 7 "unspectacular quirks". And Julie, I have way more than that! But I'll be brief, for my babies are sleeping & I have much to do.

1. Turning off lights, pushing in drawers, putting pens in pen holders, throwing wrappers away, straightening, other similar compulsive acts
2. Strange primate habits such as picking at my children (their ears, their faces), & peeling the burnt (peeling) skin off my loved ones (& you if you'll let me)
okay, #2 was really gross, don't hold that against me
3. Singing harmony to anything: the wonder petz theme song, happy birthday, elevator music, (anything I overhear)
4. Singing everything: commands to my children ("goooo get d-resssssed!"), answers to Jeff, what I'm looking for
5. Trying to convince the driver to say, "to go" at the drive-thru window
6. Trying to save money on everything ... from buying things on clearance, used, garage sale finds, flea markets, free samples, coupons, etc. IT KILLS ME TO PAY FULL PRICE.
7. Consolidating (this is probably a nervous habit) - I absolutely love the feeling of taking something almost gone (say for instance, oatmeal bars)...and taking the 1 or 2 oatmeal bars out of the carton/box, and throwing it into recycling.
Okay, that's 7...but I'm just getting started.
Julie - Don't send the meme police on me. Please.
8. Q-tips. It's time I come clean about this. It's like an addiction. I must clean my ears daily. Otherwise, I feel like they're incredibly dirty & they itch. When I went to Nicaragua, in missions, I didn't have one. And I almost lost my mind. I was ready to pick up a jungle twig & risk rupturing my drum, just to get my fix. One time, I had the 'wrong' brand (that doesn't fluff well on the ends) & the cotton part came off.
IN MY EAR.
And I was like 19 & here I lay w/ my head on my parents' kitchen table - while my dad operated w/ a pair of tweezers, trying to dig it out. ALL THE WHILE, my mom was scolding me for this terrible habit I had.
Talk about humbling.
And 16 years later,
I'm still hitting the cotton stuff.
okay, #8 was embarassing too. Why am I doing this?
9. Pestering my hot hubby. Be it sticking stuff on his back, or honking while he's crossing the parking lot, I am nothing but a nuisance to that poor guy.
Why does he put up w/ me??
10. Paying w/ exact change. Anymore, I'm a big-time debit user. Becuz of our society making it easier & easier to pay at the pump, the window, while healy'ing by the register, I'm a sucker to the convenience & use the c/c mostly.
But, there's nothing more satisfying that coming up with 86 cents & handing the cashier at Target 8.86 for the razors you just bought.
(may or may not have happened today after church)
11. Using the pampered scraper with a lysol wipe, and getting into the edges around the kitchen faucet / sink.
Oh the crud you can dig out.
12. oooop, I hear little footsteps upstairs.
I've been caught.
Taking time for myself.

PS Did you know that 'Meme' is the name my nieces have used for me for 17+ years now?

Hey, before you go, say a prayer...or 2...or 3 for my friend mckmama's mckmuffin which is baking away in her mckoven. His/her little heart is beating much too fast & she's currently hospitalized while they work their medical marvels on him/her. I'm trying to keep tabs on the situation.

VBS Night #1

included dry ice...
a white lab coat adding 10 (or 100) pounds...

and my little darling LOVING her evening filled with new songs, yummy snacks, a fun craft, & learning even more about Jesus.

Details on how to Mosaic YOU

I actually stole the whole mosaic idea from my new blog pal, Becky. And had fully intended on giving her the credit & giving you the steps to do your own.
But then, the weekend...the fireworks....the cotton candy...and the trying to re-coop, all got in the way - and between me & my laptop.
So, I finally am sitting down & bringing to you, step by step directions to your own mosaic. Now, if you do it, comment & let me know so I can come check it out. And see how similar it is to mine (cuz I noticed that Becky & I had a photo alike on ours).

Okay, here goes friends:

a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.

b. Using only the first page, pick an image.

c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd’s mosaic maker.

1. What is your first name? AMY
2. What is your favorite food? PASTA
3. What high school did you go to? EUREKA (hence the flooded aerial shot of my alma matta)
4. What is your favorite color? ORANGE
5. Who is your celebrity crush? HARRY CONNICK
6. Favorite drink? SIERRA MIST (FREE, BUT DIDN'T SEE THAT ON THE FIRST PAGE)
7. Dream vacation? HAWAII
8. Favorite dessert? BUBBLE GUM ICE CREAM
9. What you want to be when you grow up? TEACHER
10. What do you love most in life? GOD
11. One Word to describe you. HUMOR
12. Your flickr name. ORANGE MOMMA

Go, have fun, & make little baby mosaics.

Giddy'Up!

I was invited along for a birthday celebration of a friend at church, who was turning '30'.

and where should a bunch of church girls go, but D&B's.

Back in our single &/or childless days, Jeff & I had some pretty good times there.

So many times, that we had racked up lots of 'points' on our D&B's card -- with no reason to spend them.

So when I added about a cool thousand to those points, I went to see my damage.

Imagine my shock (& everyone else's) when I realized I had enough points to buy the 3rd most expensive prize in the whole place....

This large stuffed, winny'ing, trotting, horse (cowboy not included):

I laughed hysterically, the rest of the night while I toted this around & out to the car, where I shoved it in the birthday girl's mom's trunk.

And because I didn't get home 'til about 2 am, I had to wait to show my kids the awesomeness. But it was well worth it, when they woke me at 7 am & I had this hiding in Daddy's bathroom.

DARN YOU Caleb Zustiak!!!

Who showed me this video a few days ago & IT WILL NOT LEAVE MY HEAD.
I wake up with it playing in my head, go to sleep with the tune singing, & I kid you not, keep finding myself whistling it.

WARNING, has a few icky phrases that might not be suitable for the 'aware' kids.

Otherwise, join me on the planet of CATCHY TUNES STUCK IN MY HEAD.


Click Here For Catchy

Another Crazy Day

While I am very careful about what I say, I don't necessarily assign words so much power that I believe what I say dictates the events of our lives.
So, I think it's 'okay' that I felt (this morning when I woke) like it was not going to be a great day.
After a few things, not worth mentioning, set the tone for the day, I felt like just crawling back in bed. But we had a fun birthday party to go to, that we wouldn't have missed for the world. So, not getting on with our day, was not an option.
Then, I am helping Flynn pull a fun birthday dress over her head when I see something under her arm. What in the world? When I inspected closer what I saw was a tick. No biggie, they're thick 'in these parts', so I escorted her into the bathroom where my tweezers are kept.
At closer look, I realized that the legs were dangling & free.... which I thought would make for an easy removal. I picked up the tweezers, gave the tick a pull (all the while Flynn is freaking out), but it would only pull her skin UP with it. Which meant that tick's head was good & embedded. I tried everything -- the handsoap on the cotton balls to smother it....the cotton ball sopped with hydrogen peroxide, you name it. And I had read up on the stuff that's no longer considered safe. Thirty minutes of pulling this tick in hopes the head wouldn't detach & stay in her skin.
I called Grammy, who knows all about anything outdoors & asked her advice. Then I called Nana, who like Grammy is a Christian version of witch doctor & have every home remedy. But no one's advice was helping us, so I called the pediatrician's office. And made an appointment for as soon as I could get in.
Which meant scrambling nervously about, getting peeps dressed, jumping in the shower, etc., etc. Then it was one of those, Gabe having an accident right before we walk out of the door, can't find the keys, can't find other things I need to find, - kinda day.
On the way, we hit something on the highway, which nearly sent me into hysterics. There was massive traffic, and everyone in front of me drove ridiculously slow. Then there were NO open parking spots at the ped.'s office, so we had to park really far away & take the basement entrance. We waited over 5 mins for the elevator & on the way up, I realized I didn't have on a spec of make up...my wet hair pulled back by my sunglasses. 'Gees' I thought, 'I sure hope I don't see someone we know.'
But we of course (how often do you see a friend at the DOCTORS OFFICE?) saw Al, his mom, & Baby Aidan. But she's seen me at 6:30 am many a day sans make up, so I doubt she cares.

The dr WAS able to get that nasty tick out... in a jiffy. Here's how:
when a ticks head is EMBEDDED, you must make him open his jaw. Using your tweezers or nails, take his BODY & bend it, almost like he's doing a back bend. And that will cause him to unclench his jaw & his head will then come out of the skin.
NASTY!
But now you'll know.
I wish I had,
I would've saved a co-pay.

I called Amy to get directions to Delaney's party from the dr's office. She told me about flynn's cake alternative plans & the tricky labeling made her think what she had planned to buy was unsafe. So, a trip to walgreens was in order...they usually have a good selection of safe cookies. So I swung by there for some NUTTER BUTTERS, yowsa!, $4.59?? So, I got a $2 sleeve of them. But those things are so tasty -- well worth it.
But on the way there, at a somewhat busy 4-way stop, a person who should've been like 2 turns after me, someone nearly clipped us.

Thank goodness for a fun bday party to take a break from the madness.

But on the way home from the 'city', we had to drive through the storms. Two tornadic storms passed through. We only had to drive through sideways rain, but made it through--it just took a LOT longer.
Gabe took his nap on the last 1/2 of the ride home (a whopping 20 mins) & when he does that, he won't return to his slumber once we're home. Which means, short nap, early bedtime, waking up in the middle of the night. Sorry Nana, didn't this happen last time?
My parents are keeping the kids tonight so that Jeff can take me out for our anniversary. Honey, I don't know what you have up your sleeve, but there are supposed to be storms for the rest of the day....let's just hang out here on our new floors?

So, schwoo, home dilly dally. What a day.

Hope yours was just as great. ;)

Quick Q & A

Because I've been a bad blogger lately....have been a bad blogger commentor (commentEr?) but that's more of google reader's fault...and haven't commented back on any of the questions on my blog, in like a month.

Have I mentioned that life's a little crazy lately?
Well, it is. It doesn't seem to be slowing down at all, but that's no excuse.

Here we go - some of the questions as of late & my answers:

Faith Hope Love Mama said...
Funny. My daughter uses the BFF with her girlfriends. Hope you survive the remodel project. I'm sure it will be lovely when you are finished. Any before shots you can give us. I'm slightly addicted to HGTV so I love transformations. :)

I'm sad, I didn't get great before shots (that would've been a great idea!). I did get a couple during the pulling up of the nasty carpet & the bare floor. I will be sharing. It is such a dramatic change tho, with just different flooring, that I wish I would have. Also, not everything that was in there (TV?), is going back. So, the room is bound to be more spacious.

Thank you for the Anniversary wishes everyone!

4under3 said...
Fabulous choice on a wedding date. You beaut of a bride. And what'd it take to get Mother Nature to cooperate so nicely? It looks like it was perfect out.

Well, it did NOT rain, so I guess the weather did cooperate. But our pay was 93 degrees with our usual Missouri humidity. It was perfect, all of it.

Jenn said...
WOW! I'm ready to kick some booty too! How absolutely selfish and hateful some of the commenters were. And am I correct in my understanding that this would be for one game only? What the heck is the big deal then? What jerks!!!!!

Yes, it's just ONE game. Let's just say, there are some seriously hateful & selfish people out there. And, they're dumb. (I can say that on here, my kids can't hear me type ;)

Faith Hope Love Mama said...
Can I stand along side you and kick them in the throat also?!

Yep!

MCK Mama said...
Oh, Amy. I can't even imagine! So glad the darn toaster strudel packet corner came up finally. And I LOVED that you asked for a photo in front of the ambulance! They obliged, didn't they?

They did oblige. And I have the photo (along with about 835,561,799,620 others) ready to scrapbook!

Kristi said...
Great story...and you told it so eloquently too! :-) What a scary moment...well, until that toaster strudel came "popping" out!

Oh Kristi, hee hee hoo ha. That's a good one.

MCK Mama said...
Oooh, we've not seen it. We will have to, based on that rave review!!Switching parts, SO impressive. Who "started that", could you tell?And MUGS of pasta. Great idea!!! I have a ton of little Pampered Chef prep bowls that I use, but they are a little small. And quite a few large, adult ceramic bowls. But mugs is a truly great idea! Did you come up with that on your own? Totally stealing it, k? Plastic=icky.

I couldn't tell who the director was in the scenario. ;)
Hope you're using the mugs by now. :)

Faith Hope Love Mama said...
Seriously one year ours were up till August and I was disgusted with my husband for that. He kept joking that he was going to turn them on for the 4th of July. I was not happy! I make sure he gets them down before the snow melts now.Our next door neighbors have not mowed their grass yet this year. I was tempted to go over their yesterday and cut it for them just so I wouldn't have to look at it anymore. Is that weird?

I don't think that would be weird at all... I'm tempted all the time. Of course, hot hubs is the one who mows, so I guess I'd be pimping him out.

MCK Mama said...
Yeah for summer!!! (Can you please tell it to come here to Minnesota, too?)

I'd imagine that if I told it, it would tell me that I'm slow & that it's there by now.

Kim said...
If it's summer, then WHY am I going to school tomorrow (and for TWO more weeks!)?

Because you are TOTY (said like "tottee") Teacher Of The Year.

Faith Hope Love Mama said...
I second MCK mama. Glad someone has summer weather! Can you send some our way?

Is it there?, 'cause I told it.

Sue said...
Yay! We're back and forth between beautiful spring weather and cooler spring here. But I'll take any temperature where the girls can get outside!Where did you get that caddy? I LOVE it!!!

The cute faux-leaf, green, plastic caddy was an Easter gift 2 years ago....to Flynn, from Aunt 'G. It was full of super cute, bug-handled garden toys. God only knows where all the garden tools are these days, but it seemed to be the perfect going outside crate. It has sunscreen, sidewalk chalk, bubbles, band-aids (had peroxide last yr), garden gloves, seeds, kiddy sunglasses, & I usually jam my phone down in there.

Tiffany said...
What a fun little basket. I bet you all are almost in need of another bottle of that sun screen by now. Not us. Not us. (sigh)

I hope you're at least close to finishing up that first bottle. Last month we had to go to good ol' Target & buy more. In another post, I will share my favorite sun block.

Operator. What's Your Emergency?

"Well, my 11-month old daughter is gagging, kind of choking on something. She has been for about 10 minutes & I just talked to the phone nurse at her pediatrician's office & she told me to call 9-1-1."

"Okay, sending paramedics."

"Okay, well, could you tell them that when they get into the subdivision, to turn OFF their siren & lights? I don't want to needlessly alarm any of the neighbors." read: embarrass the heck out of myself, since I'm a parent educator to some of the residents in this subdivision.

That was 3.5 years ago. Flynn was my only baby. And she LOVED, absolutely LOVED sticking things in her mouth. Even when there was nothing to stick in her mouth, she still found something. Remember the bug?

Here's what happened that cool October 29th Friday afternoon....

I had hot plans to dress our baby girl up in her chicken costume & head up to Daddy's classroom party. But not before a visit from our Parents as Teachers parent educator. I was also a p.e. for PAT & was sure to clean extra well that morning, so my co-worker didn't think I was a slob.

Baby Flynn crawled around on the squeaky clean, freshly mopped kitchen floor after our PAT visit. While I gathered our bag & her costume & all the other steps to the departure routine. But before we headed out the door, she sauntered up to me looking alarmed & kind of doing some kind of motion with her mouth. Then she gagged & coughed. And shortly after that I realized that she must've swallowed something. No surprise for me, Mom to the most oral kid on the face of the earth. That girl threw anything & everything in her pie hole.

But, after the foreign object (which at the time I thought could've been a hair or a piece of her lunch from before) hung out in purgatory forever, I figured I'd better just get some medical advice.

As posted above, my advice turned into panic & before I knew it, I was hearing a siren in the distance. Well, even my first-time-mom'ness knew that a screaming siren, lights, & men busting in the door & heading to my baby just might alarm her a tad. So, we stepped out on the stoop & I pointed & showed her the special lights & visitors headed her way. My little socialite even grew excited as her new "friends" approached our drive. Drool running from her mouth, she kicked & waved & welcomed them.

I explained to them that she wasn't actually choking...at least not by my standards. But that there was definitely something that wasn't going down & that I was unable to get with my finger sweeps.

Each of them took their turn holding my girl & checking her mouth & throat as she played with their EMT badge & batted her long dark lashes. They commented that it was an easy call & that she was so friendly.

As the last one gave it a shot, they asked me what I'd like them to do. And suggested that they could take her in for an x-ray, or that I could.

And just as I started to tell them how silly that would be, I saw my girl doing almost a swishing motion with her toothless mouth.
"She looks like she's bringing something up."
And I stepped forward to reach as far as I could & just pinch something, anything...

And that's when I got it.

Embarrassingly enough,

the teeny tiny, light-weight (as easy to hang out right at the top of one's esophagus as it is to be swept/mopped to the edge of the linoleum) see-through, snipped CORNER of a pouch of icing,

belonging to a toaster strudel.

And (mystery solved), they had me sign a slip, something eluding to the fact that the 'patient' wasn't treated, nor transported.

And then,

I asked if I could take her photo with them in front of their ambulance.

'Cause I figured,
they probably already knew I was crazy.

One of the Funniest Things I've Seen

in all my 34 years....

The movie, Ice Age, had practically found a permanent home in our mini-van's DVD player. The kids loved & I could tolerate hearing it from the driver's seat.
So, each time we were on the road a lengthy amount of time, I'd press play & the kids were in movie heaven (poor little tv-deprived babies).

Between their opportunity to memorize this movie, added to that their inherited (from hot hubs) skill to burn parts of movies to their little brains, they can walk around & quote parts of this movie. And thank goodness, the parts are funny & easy on the ears.

I guess with Gabe having a speech delay, I have expectations on him that are -- shall we say, adapted. And because of that, when he does something spectacular, it completely knocks my socks off. And plus, he's still my baby (well, he always will be, even when he's not 2).

So, when these two, polishing off mugs (I know, weird, but the whole plastic thing has me freaked out enough to have pushed all their little kiddy bowls to the back of the cabinet) of pasta, started Ice Age dialogue... I started throwing roses at them. (whew, sorry for the world's longest run-on sentence there).

And it wasn't enough that one of them would take one part & the other be the 2nd character....and that they used annunciation, accents, & hand motions; but that after the 30-second BIalogue, THEY SWITCHED PARTS.
I. kid. you. not.

And so, first thing tomorrow morning, I'm calling St Louis Actors' Guild, to see how young they take them.

You Don't Say

A lot of times when I mean to write "barely", I accidentally write "barfly". And, sometimes I wonder how accidental it really is.

Another funny thing - when we built in this subd 6 yrs ago, we learned all our neighbors' names. And since then, about 1/2 of them have moved on, selling their homes to the current owners. The weird thing about hot hubs & I is that we still call those homeowners (the current ones), by the old owners' names.
So,
to whoever lives in Dan's; Ben & Rhonda's; Matt & Vicki's; Miranda & Josh's; & the Mexicans (who literally crossed the border to live here in this humble community), we say,
Welcome.
And please don't be offended if we don't learn your name.
We won't be here long.

Amy and the Aggravating, Very Annoying, Not Bad, Very Good Day

This is another one of those posts wherein I complain; whilst those of you who have 'real' cause to complain roll your eyes at me & mutter under your breath how blessed I am & how dare I be negative.
I hear ya chirpin'.
BUT, we all have a right to vent & be heard, and my blog is that very outlet.
So, here goes...

Gabe for whatever reason will not walk down the steps anymore. I don't know why, he just stands at the top & tells me something important, only I don't understand what he's saying. And while I make several trips downstairs to the car before we actually leave to go somewhere, I don't want one of those to include carrying his 2-yr old self. Get with the program Bubby.

So, we leave this morning, with no time to spare (my fault, I know), to head toward 'the city', to have Gabe's audiology screening done. It was next door to the hospital where Flynn was born, in a medical building.
And if you know anything about medical buildings, you know the parking can down right stink. So, imagine my delight when I pull into the closest row & spot a person climbing into their Explorer at the end space closest to the crosswalk. Woohoo, I let out a relieved call (because, remember, I didn't have time to spare) as we had approximately 2 minutes to unload people from car seats, cross the walk, go up in the elevator, & find an office we'd never been to.
So, we patiently wait as the man adjusts his seat, puts on his seat belt...apparently does the 5-point check list he learned 60 years prior in Drivers' Ed. I found myself tapping my finger on the steering wheel but reassured myself, 'Hey! Close spot! No prob!!'
That was moments before I saw a grey malibu rounding the corner of the row. The way I was positioned, it was going to be easy for me to just pull straight into the spot, as the row I was perpendicular to was shorter than the row I'd be joining. But, alas! Old Lady Malibu had other plans. And as Explorer finally started backing out, he did so in the manner which blocked me & allowed Old Lady Malibu to TAKE OUR SPOT.
No I'm not kidding!
What you ask?, perhaps she didn't know we were waiting for the spot??
Then, the 10 honks I sounded BEFORE she pulled into the spot should've been a notice for her. But she just looked at us & proceeded. So, the next 40 honks were just for Pete's sake.
And when Flynn asked why I honked, I was honest, "I'm just a little aggravated 'cause that lady took our spot."
"She butted? That's not nice."
"No honey, it's not."

Then, she tried, re-tried, & tried again to get her malibu perfect into the straight simple space. And as we trudged across the parking lot, 1 large (awesome) purse, 1 medicine backpack, & a diaper bag; along with a toddler who didn't want to walk, and a preschooler who wanted to do balance beam on all the curbs, we ended up walking by Old Lady Malibu as she FINALLY was finished parking & was getting out of her car. (sorry for the longest run-on sentence in the world there).
Did I want to say something?
Heck yah.
But the honking was enough of a lesson to my kids on how mommy is just human.

Then, we get into the waiting room at exactly the appointment time. I sign him in & let Flynn choose where we would sit. She chose a row behind the only people in the waiting room. I talked her into one more row away, so as not to crowd 'Fake Ponytail' & her daughter. Fake Ponytail spent a great deal of time looking me up & down while I signed Gabe in. I even made eye contact with FP to let her know 'I see you checking me out Fake Ponytail. And is that a fake ponytail?'
FP took the next 30 minutes (yep, that's how long we waited out there) being subconciously rude. Rolling her eyes when Gabe was making a repetitive noise with a toy & sharply telling her mini ponytailed daughter to turn around when she was just watching my kids with their toys; which was totally normal for her mini me to curious about the surrounding children, plus it was something to do.

So, after waiting 30 minutes, the hearing professional (don't know her exact title), spent all of ten minutes with us to tell us that yes, Gabe's hearing is within the normal range. Something really sweet tho, was that she then pulled out a rubbermaid tote full of brand new dollar store toys & let each kiddo pick something out, while she typed up the results. While I completely guide my children's choices, there are some things worth letting them make a decision all on their own. This was such a case. And, after strong warning from me, "Flynn, remember the paddle & ball you got for Valentine's Day that broke right away? This is like that & probably won't last long. Look at this cute ball & scoop set, that'd be fun at the park later." I probably said that five times. But, but, but....
She chose the ball & paddle.
And.
It broke 2 minutes down the road.
What you say? She had plenty of other toys??
That's what I said through the ten minutes of tears. And, not letting a learning opportunity pass me by, I reminded PaddleGirl that I warned her & that she needs to listen better to Momma, who knows all about things breaking & cheap toys. And everything else in the world. Forever.

Fast forward to the park. This is the park close to the hospital. And is VERY COOL. We rarely go as it's so far & so, when in the neighborhood & it's not one of the 100 days it's rained so far this spring, we stop by for a good time.
That's what all the moms in West St Louis county must've said this morning.
Have I mentioned that I'm Crowd Overly Conscious? In other words, I hate waiting, my kids waiting, and 30 other snotty noses on the same play structure as my 2 snotty-nosed kids. But hey, we're practically in the city right?, when in Rome, I say...Let's play! Let's have fun! Now GO!
And they went. And had fun. And were perfectly polite (no bias there or overexagerration, the kids are gold in public).
Enter: Overly Protective Mom in a Fanny Pack (for the sake of time & cyberspace, we'll further refer to her as OPMFP).
OPMFP had a cute little boy about 3 or so months younger than the Bubmeister, who plays on his own & has for quite sometime now.
Now, I must step in & admit some overly-protectiveness myself here....I have been deemed a mom who shelters her kids & by golly, I don't mind it a bit...as long as it's not affecting others.
Okay, so picture a pretty large play structure: 3 slides, 2 sets of steps, 2 bridges, a climbing wall, a ladder, lots of bells & whistles.
To the side, note, a toddler structure - really small scale. Based around a tunnel in the middle, shallow steps, & a teeny tiny slide. All of this a'top the really soft rubber squares. In other words this little tod deal, NO ONE is going to get hurt on this thing. I'm convinced that an infant could randomly roll around & not get so much as a scratch.
OPMFP did NOT think so. She let her two year old climb up the steps as she WALKED BEHIND HIM. Um, lady, do you realize there's only like 2 steps & you could more accurately reach out your hand & secure your kid WHO DOESN'T NEED SECURING?
She didn't realize. And as I approached the structure because Gabe had already ran to it & was up one step, OPMFP had started to panic because OMIGOSH, my TWO YEAR OLD is climbing through the safe, perfectly level & danger-free tunnel ALL BY HIMSELF, I must *IMMEDIATELY* be at the other end of the tunnel because if I don't, LORD HELP US ALL, he might just do something without me, like practice some independence.
What you say? It's her perrogative?
Wrongo, not when she STARTS BACK DOWN THE STEPS in a panicked attempt to get to the other end of the whopping 2-ft long tunnel, she didn't bother looking behind her where Gabe is waiting his turn.
As she blindsides him & doesn't stop, doesn't apologize, just keeps saying, "Omigosh honey, wait for me!!", she acted like he was about to step off the side of the Empire State building. She never looked back to see if the kid she knocked backward was okay or if he suffered fanny pack abrasion.
That won the annoying award for the day. And her prize was me saying, "Oh gees, Gabe!, watch out...for.....the, uh, mom!"

Then, when we finally arrived home after the day's excitement, I decided to give into Flynn's week-long pleas of, "Momma, can I pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease plant in your garden??"
So, I handed her her gardening gloves, a baseball cap, & set her free in the messy, small flower bed she likes to call Momma's 'garden'. Gabe was sleeping, so I took the opportunity of her being busy with the dirt, to clean up some areas of the yard I never get to.
As I weeded & leveled a corner spot by the porch, straightening up brick & picking up rocks, I thought I noticed a snake skin.
Then.
I noticed
A SNAKE.
Between two bricks, I saw shiny grey skin. So, I pulled out my flag stake & poked the 'thing' to see if it was alive.
It was.
And it slithered down deeper into the cave of bricks, until I could no longer see its reptilia skin.
Have I mentioned that I'm an outdoors girl 'til it comes to SNAKES & SPIDERS?

Mix into the day's events, getting cut off on the highway, and waiting in traffic for a 'fresh' accident.

And that right now, both kids are in time out for 1 hitting & the other hitting back.

Peace out.

Are You Joking Me?

Anyone who knows Jeff & I, aren't too surprised to learn that APRIL FOOL'S DAY was the day he proposed to me (six years ago). If I hadn't expected it was coming (we already had made the decision that we'd be spending forever together), I would've thought it was a joke. But when he got down on one knee, on this very plot of land (minus the house), he wasn't teasing.

Unlike yesterday, when I played a joke on him.

I wasn't sure I'd be able to even sorta trick him, considering the date on the calendar. BUT, I pulled it off.

The last few days, I made him aware that I was 'late' -- this is no big event considering I've never been 'regular', heck, I'm not even sure I ovulate anymore.

Anyway, I voiced this to him. Then I told him that while Gabe & I were out & about, that I'd be picking up a pregnancy test (I do these for sport on occasion, something about the science of it...the little window...the faux anticipation...etc.).

ANYWAY, I emailed him in the afternoon:
"I have something to tell you. I want to wait & tell you in person, but I don't think I can wait any longer."

He calls me as soon as he can (not for another hour, as he doesn't have a phone in his classroom),

"Was the test positive?"

I could hear the panic in his voice.

"Um...it...it WAS."
"OMIGOSH. OMIGOSH. Amy, Are you serious?

Is this an April Fool's Joke?"

I couldn't keep it up. I'm a good joker, but I almost felt sorry for him.

"Yes, April Fool's."

And if he tells you he wasn't just the slightest bit excited at the idea of a surprise (vasectomy-defying) pregnancy,

then he's the one fooling.