Post Surgery Appt #1 (breast surgeon)

When leaving for dr's appt, I had no idea what my day would hold.

I sensed something when I entered the office & the staff, normally chipper, looked at me almost sympathetically.
Hmmm...

Then, before removing 2 of 4 of my drains, Dr Snell comes in w/ the path report.  She tells me, "I have good news & bad news... the bad news is the pathology report showed a cancerous tumor in your left breast.  The good news is that you had a mastectomy."
I don't think I even heard much after cancerous tumor....
I'm certain my jaw dropped open & I don't forget hearing my mom gasp.
I didn't cry.  Just felt such thankfulness.  My elective surgery saved me.  Without finding it, it would've continued to grow.   Because in March, the MRI didn't find it....just a few mos before that.  And nine mos before, the mammogram didn't find it.

My mind didn't think about much more than that, between the phone calls & reading.  Telling Jeff, I thought he'd fall apart.... instead, he comforted me, while *I* fell apart.

My new normal isn't anything but normal.

Going Home

After a visit from Dr. Snell (breast surgeon) & Dr. Olivea (Plastics), I was released.

Then home, to find a new normal for the next few weeks.

The Morning After

The puking. The trouble peeing. The sharp twinges where my boobs used to be.

But none of it worse than dying of cancer.

Mastectomy Day

6/25/2012....
Not likely a day I'll ever forget.  Sensitive for most, emotional for many.  I'm just so on speed mode to do this that I can't say I'm sad.
Everything goes swimmingly.  Other than some post-surgery barfing, it's smooth.
Jeff & my mom join me before surgery & are waiting when I'm finished.  Pastor Scott prays w/ us before surgery & visits me the following day.

GOD IS GOOD.

Boobectomy

I finally got a date for the PBM (prophylactic bi-lateral mastectomy).  Monday after next.  I'm more relieved than scared.  And people tell me how brave I am, but I think I'd be brave NOT TO do it.

Perry Points

This is what we call PERRY POINTS... alternately titled, BRIBERY DISGUISED AS A CHORE CHART.

How do they earn them?:
By doing (each of) the following:
-making bed
-taking vitamins/medicine
-getting dressed
-brushing teeth
-practicing piano
-cleaning out the car (this must be done each time we come home from somewhere & includes them getting everything in the car that is theirs -- from toys to trash)
-NOT fighting
-putting away shoes (when getting home)
-cleaning up 'mess' (clearing spot from meals, picking up toys when done w/ activity)
and DOUBLE points for -memorizing/reciting new bible verse

But here's the trick (for long lasting habit forming) --- these must be done WITHOUT my reminders.  This way they're really forcing themselves to make it a real part of their day.

We sit down before bedtime & tally 'points'.  This is our time to reflect on the day's events & evaluate if we tried our hardest.

Attributes can be changed & analyzed at anytime.  The point is to manage behavior & once it's managed, it's time to zero in on something else that needs to be manipulated.  For us, the above habits/behaviors were needing to be worked on.

We used to do separate charts, but since our prizes (field trips) are done TOGETHER, that didn't make sense.  Plus, this kinda encourages camaraderie (rather than competition, which ends up=fights).

What do they earn?  FIELD TRIPS; which are a HUGE part of our family life anyway... so why not reward them with something that won't be too big of a spend for us.
When we started this Perry Points thing, the kids brainstormed a list of places they want to go, things they want to do. 
Our list includes:
ice skating
water park
zoo
bounce-u
city garden--->Gus pretzels
magic house
science center
drive in
elephant rock --->johnson shut ins
roller skating
bowling
roller skating
mini golf
etc.

I used to pretend that they were choosing an activity from a hat.. I'd pretend to cut all the above activities into strips & let him or her "randomly" 'pick one' from that hat... when all reality, I was actually picking the one thing that would work for us (obviously am not going to pick elephant rock when daddy's not available) & write it on every strip.  You say sneaky, I say smart. ;)




When we first started doing this, I made cute little charts on the computer... but since we starting putting their charts together, I just grab a big piece of cardboard, or something that needs to be recycled.  I also used to do stickers, now just a fancy letter (or something they can't mimic).

Good luck!

One Year Ago

One year ago, Flynn danced at her recital... only Nana couldn't come watch.  Nana was recovering from her surgery & was facing a long road.  Other surgeries. Chemo. Radiation.  We were sad & it looked pretty gloom.

Now, look at Nana.  Her strength & bravery pushed her through the toughest year & now she's here with us for lots & lots of years.

HOUSE

Most of my loved ones are probably sick of my running episode of 'HOUSE' (medical marvels, oh my!), then scroll away from this update...
Saw a new gen practitioner dr (after much prayer & deliberation of whom to start seeing). She is helping me get to the bottom of the medical run-arounds & jargon. Seems the inconsistencies could indicate the beginning stages of MS, or a stroke, or could just be a 'blur' (maybe I moved during the MRI, etc.). One thing that can be agreed on by all is that I have some symptoms that can't be ignored, that hv been around for at least 8 mos. My newest symptom: burning sensation in rt foot + the awful shin'ish pain in same leg, indicates neuropathy. There are non responding parts of my foot & numbness in my leg (didn't even feel a sharp stick). This sometimes accompanies diabetes (Dad has type 2, mom is borderline, I had gestational diabetes w/ both pregnancies) & I am 'pre diabetic'. But another parallel is nerve damage -> possibly not coincidental to the nerve issues in my face/head.
The sound of MS scares me but I'm not more worried than I am content that God has my future (& even my little medical issues) in the palm of His hand.

Background info... In April/May noticed a drooping in the right side of my face. In April/May started experiencing a tickle-like sensation in my right ear. Dr reported seeing "nothing" in my ear & recommended an ENT if I continued to notice sensation. Numbness in left arm/hand last month. Saw ENT mid-December who ordered brain MRI. Results showed no tumors but a few spots of "inconsistencies."

Christmas Vacation Productions

Our little break has lent itself to my boy & girl teaming up for some live action. Thankfully, I always have my phone (camera!) nearby & can get it all on camera in a unsuspecting fashion.

So, when this little 'drama' was set to begin, I got a request for a song. "something slow Momma" Flynn directed me. 'To the Sea' sounded like a good idea.

Next act was apparently the scene where the baby (conceived by the first dance?) was born.

And next, a grocery shopping trip with the baby -- now turned toddler.

I hope I never forget these moments.

Happy EIGHTH Birthday Flynn

Dearest Eight-Year Old Flynn,

What a year for you... you have changed so much.
While you still shy away from most adults who greet you, your giggling with your friends has gotten louder & your silliness...even sillier.
You've lost seven teeth so far & are about to leave toddler sizes (finally) in your shoes. Your hair is still bobbed short & your long skinny legs are constantly dancing your petite little frame around the house.
Second grade seems to be the most exciting yet. You seem to excel at writing & your creativity is one of your best assets.

You cartwheel, flip, & walkover all our furniture. Your feet will land on anything & anyone & your brother's head seems to be a part of all your stunts.Your year brought you lots of fun & adventure...

• Your Wolf-brother chased you (Lil Red Ridinghood) all the way to Grandmother's, for trick or treating fun.
• We rode roller-coaster after roller-coaster at Silver Dollar City.
• We enjoyed our first Christmas in a new house.
• Your second grade choir sang at Busch Stadium at the seventh inning stretch of a Cards' game.
• You tried a season of softball... and soccer... and still, dance.
  

Your '2nd annual' LemonAID stand helped a tornado-touched family. You donated 11 toys to the TOYS FOR TOTS. Your heart is bigger than your 40-something pound frame.

Just when I think I couldn't be more proud of you, you melt my heart even more.

I pray that your ninth year of life brings you more learning, more love, & God's light.

With a love you won't understand for many more years,

Momma

xoxo

Diagrams of Explanation (she takes after me)

A few mos ago, I comically illustrated a slight would-be-altercation between myself & some half-cocked lady in the Lowe's parking lot at the bluffs; wherein she blamed me for going back in time, leaving my car, turning a stop sign 90 degrees, so that when I went through the intersection later (in present time), I wouldn't have to stop.
"Somebody turned the sign!"
WHAT? REALLY?
Why not just accept blame by saying, "I didn't know you didn't have a stop sign, sorry."
But then again, that's what I get for stopping in the middle of the intersection & asking her why she honked & gestured.
Sheesh, it's almost like I'm an elementary teacher or something.

Anywho, to make the story more interesting later, when retelling it to my nieces, I sketched a little map to go along with my retelling. Complete with a cactus for Qdoba & a bulls eye for Target.
We laughed so hard that I magnet-ed it to the fridge.
And later texted it to my nieces so they could get just one more laugh out of it (because, you know, we're short on laughs in our family... /sarcasm).

Meanwhile, back at the ranch....

This morning, when my two littles forgot it was a holiday (the same way they forget every five days that it's a weekend) & came into our room (around 7'ish?), we sent them back out with a request to play quietly while Daddy & I (who did not forget it was a holiday) slept for mere minutes more.

It doesn't take long for some kind of disagreement to break out between my almost-Irish twins & this time, Flynn wanted to be sure that we knew E-X-A-C-T-L-Y what went down.

That is why she drew this:

to show Daddy & I, what transpired between her & her bubby.
COMPLETE with a brown vapor -- so that we could almost smell what she smelled.

And to this, I say,
the NUT doesn't fall far....

#it'sastoundingthatwe'reinchargeofchildren

Wow... I've never used a hash tag in lieu of a blog title before.

So, you may remember "Barbie Head" & all her antics. That little hooch wanted my husband & we both knew it. Only, she was far too stalker'ish. What, with her creepy ways of waiting for him in bed... and being in his car when he got in it in the morning, to go to work.

Enter: "Life-Size Barbie". She's 10 times the fun. But lots harder to transport.

LSB (let's abbreviate for the sake of time & keys) has waited outside of the bathroom while Jeff showers (picture her stiff arms propping her against his closed door... and sliding...slowly...toward him while he unknowingly swings said door open...by the way, her hair was fixed extra special that night, with a poof up front & some french rolls in back).
Picture her waiting in the dark laundry room for his 5:45 am departure for work.
And once Flynn got in on the action, LSB even joined us for dinner... although she wasn't a fan of the sweet potato fries or the zoo pals plate (much too unsophisticated for her liking).


So, LSB was hoping for something a little extra special tonight. And waited for Jeff in the shower, with baited breath. Flynn was in on the action & watched me prep LSB, with eyes as large as silver dollars.
I only wish I'd seen Jeff's reaction when he went into the bathroom to shower, and found this:It really is amazing that anyone takes me serious, ever. Also amazing?: that I've never been committed.

Happy 6th Birthday Gabe

Dear Bubby,
Wow, I never thought the day would get here when I would wish my little Buddy a SIXTH birthday wish.
There's very little part of you that's 'baby' & that makes your momma pretty sad. It helps though that you love me so much & show so much love to me. Makes it easier that you are so sweet & thoughtful...it seems like you will never be a tough guy.
This year you left your preschool life & began your school career as a kindergartner. You started that path of life with an over sized backpack & a new pair of shoes. You uncertainty was matched by mine & I couldn't believe that my baby left every shred of babyhood behind.
This year you had many firsts...

• baseball - you were a part of the "Blue Jays" & you did more dancing than anything but ended the season as a boy of summer
• gaming - that ds we bought you Santa brought you, was just the beginning in your addiction. sheesh.
• Branson's "Silver Dollar City" & the many coasters it boasts - it was worth each of the four over-priced tickets we bought, to see you raise those tiny hands of yours & yell, "Woo Hoo".

You enjoyed Halloween as a Chef. You got to know your neighbor & count him as a friend. You cried less at preschool & church. And you picked out fish as your one & only pets.
You learned the sign language for "I Love You" & never let me leave (not even for the grocery store or a stroll around the block) without pressing that sign against my mirrored hand.

My wishes for your sixth year include a confidence in yourself, but God first. I pray for you to grow more self-sufficient but never lose your attachment for Daddy, Flynn, & me. I hope you keep your sweet nature, even as you grow in your adolescence. And as you grow your faith & learn more about Who created you, it's my hope that you take the paths God has set before you in your tiny life.

God keep you safe. God keep you healthy. God bless you my baby boy.

With a love that you won't understand for a really long time.
Love,
Momma

Insomnia & Mid-of-the-Night Catching Up

I hate insomnia, BUT it's a chance for me to sit, think, & blog about lots that's been happening lately...

• Flynn lost another tooth. This is #3 & strangely, all have been bottom row.
• Flynn has added the sound "Foo" to her weird Momma-Flynn language. It sometimes follows, "Mowsch".
• I made a haul at garage sales today. Lots of classroom stuff, which is always the 'funnest' for F & G, as they get to play w/ it before it makes the trip to my school.
• Tomorrow we're headed to Purina Farms to meet up w/ a good 'old' (friends for a while, not old in age) friend & her mini. Easter Village, here we come!
• Gabe is not one ounce less sweet than last week. He melts my heart with every ILOVEYOU.
• Baseball & Softball are in full swing. Other than the fact that Mom's taxi gets frazzled & seems to run out of gas easily, I'm so enjoying watching my kids play my old past time sport.
• Gabe is obsessed with a new show, JAKE AND THE NEVERLAND PIRATES. It always makes me laugh when they're into a show, as the tv seems to rarely be on. But he loves the pirate thing.

Playing 'Ball'

Tonight is Flynn's very first softball practice. She couldn't be more excited. Matter of fact, I can't remember her being this excited about anything.
And what's with these seven-year olds acting older when they're excited. It's like an instant-teenager pill.
Things she said on the way home from school (w/ the excitement bubbling out of her as she counted down the minutes til practice):
"Oh Mom, I needed to tell you, Nolan said 'hi'."
"You forgot your phone? Drop me off at the door & I'll run in & get it."
"Hey Mom, you think you could put a headband on me before practice?"

I can't wait to follow her, I think she's going to be great... and not just because softball was my sport!

True Grit

I turned the tv to AMC & an older western was on. This immediately snagged my boy's attention as his personality as of late is cowboy, cowboy, cowboy.
He turned & stopped his racetrack building momentarily & watched the gun-slinging & lady-grabbing.
Next he said, "We need to tell Papa this is on...."
---deep thought---
"Sometimes I wish Papa wasn't my Papa, so him could be my friend."

Mowsh

Not really sure how to spell that... but sounding it out?, that's EXACTLY Flynn's new favorite "word".

It started out as 'meow', a sound of endearment between her & I. Jeff & I would laugh because she would only return it if *I* said it. Even at his insistence.

Somehow, the sound started evolving & has arrived at this German sounding 'noise'.

She says it to us when we tuck her in. She greets Bubby with it in the morning (given they're both in 'civil' dispositions). She says it when we see a baby, a kitten, a puppy, or anything fluffy.

I even heard her let the sound escape today, when I walked by her line in the hall.

I wish I could bottle the sound, so we could always knows EXACTLY what it sounds like.

My Baby & Kindergarten Testing

How, how, how could my BABY be going to Kindergarten?! Seriously!!!

So, we made it very official. I took 1/2 day off of work & picked him up at school promptly at 12:20 pm, just as I'd promised.

My date looked very handsome. His hair was 'piked. And he had on a polo.

He took me to my favorite [only] Mexican restaurant in town. We shared conversation...about Lucy.... and Sammy at school, and how close his new classroom will be to mine.
We saw a sewage truck go by & Gabe noted the size of the truck. Then insisted on knowing the truck's purpose.
All this over chips & salsa.

He made me tell the story again, about why we had his birth certificate with us & grinned while I told him that he'd need that when he goes to get his marriage license with his wife.

He proudly held my hand into my school building & greeted everyone as I directed him to. He aced the test with flying colors answers & was very confused when we got home
& I had to tell him
that school
doesn't start
for another
five
months.

Gabe Update, 2/20/11

Gabe...

• loves cars & trucks
• loves his momma, being at home with her, & days OFF of school
• wants to stay in his pj's every morning
• loves sweets & candy
• likes to craft
• likes being with family
• is loyal to his friends
• likes his stuffed lizard, "Scooby" & his stuffed manitee (from Aunt Gi)
• is musical
• is so sensitive & is very honest
• talks a lot about heaven
• still has somewhat of a speech delay & talks A LOT
• loves to give hugs & love
  

Flynn Update, 2/20/11

Flynn likes:

• Madelyn & Elly, her friends
• going places (walmart, a friend's house, out to eat, soccer)
• the stuffed puppy dog Landon gave her for V'day
• her pillow pet monkey
• dance class
• soccer
• her cousins
• chocolate soy milk, hash browns from mcd's, chips, carrots sticks, & oranges
• purple
• crafting