Nan-Cam

I recently had Nana's memory card from her camera & 'stole' these photos:

The prettiest 14 & 17 year olds I know.

Sleeping beauties. PS Does anyone know a fool-proof way to keep someone from moving to California?

KK, the kids' youngest girl cousin, is famous for playing with them whenever she's around.

Sure to Get You in Trouble

Thank goodness she doesn't access my blog because if my firstborn had seen that last photo UPSIDE DOWN, there would've been meltdowns to be had.

Here is the sketch is it's right-side up glory:

I'm sure some famous artist somewhere had a painting displayed upside down & it became famous for that.

So, if my previous post makes my little artist rich, she'd better give me half.

Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto

Magna doodling by Flynn, May 2008

He's Lucky He's So Hot

because goodness knows, he's not a grown-up.

check out the eye-candy I get to wake up next to everyday

even our poor children's leapfrog fridge game letters aren't sacred

Luv is Bloomin'

Mr Postman brought us this dandy in the mail the other day. I was almost as excited as Flynn.

I really think Tiff should make an etsy shop & sell these little beauties. She's as talented as she is cute. She calls'em LUV BLOOMS. It looked super cute the other day when her hair was down & swept to the side with her bloom.

And as much as Jeff thinks it's corny, I love having blog-friends!

Nemo, 'Pooky!

Yesterday, Hot Hubs played hookie & with what had to be the MOST beautiful day I've seen in a while, we headed to the zoo.

The kids knew we were going to be going & it got Gabe up at 6 am where he went in & woke Flynn. Jeff laughed that if they were this excited about leaving to go the zoo, imagine next summer when we go to Disney.

So first I'll explain the title...

one of the first things we did once we got to the zoo, was to go into a cave-like thing, which they had painted & decorated to look like a whale. There was whale song piping from the speakers & walking through it was cool & dark.

The whale language reminded Gabe of Nemo.

The darkness was 'pooky (spooky) to him.

So, as we walked through it, he yelled, "Nemo 'pooky!!" & made some kind of signs w/ his hands, which must indicate a scariness of some kind.

This made quite an impression on him. It was all he could talk about through the whole zoo.

And the day after. At lunch today, I asked what his favorite thing was,

"Nemo pooky."

So, trying to get him away from what seems to be scary association, I wanted him to think about the other things we saw. But all he could think of (say) was POOKY.

So, we said, "Were the monkeys spooky?...no....Were the butterflies spooky?...no..."

And he interjected, "Wuh wions pooky?....m'bo...." [were the lions spooky? no]

We could hardly contain ourselves. And were of course thrilled that he put together a 3-word sentence. Apparently speech therapy is working!

*special thanks to the zustiaks for lending us their camera. ours is no more (got old) & the zustiaks got a new one & have lent us their old one until we can get the funds together to get a new & great camera*

This butterfly house was one of my fav parts. There were so many friendly butterflies, we really had to watch the wheels of the stroller & our shoes.

Do you see the hitchhiker on Gabe's hat?

Gabe spotted the giraffes a mile away. He was beside himself to see them:


We got the zoo an hour early to get free admission into everything (except the train, unforunately, so we didn't ride). One of the new attractions is the Dinosaur land (don't know the official name):
The night before the zoo, Flynn was so excited she couldn't fall asleep. So she asked me to tell her a story. I told her a story about the family who went to the zoo the day the elephant escaped. Oddly enough, the zoo keepers asked the family to help them track down the elephant. Thanks to a trail of peanut shells (which the brother in the story found) & some big elephant tracks (which the sister spies), the elephant is found & put back into his area. The family saved the day. When we saw pretend elephant tracks in the concrete, she remembered....

I don't think they were trying very hard. They're still at that stage where they don't get these things. They kept wanting to go around to the other side:

One of Flynn's favorite things in the WORLD is a carousel. We couldn't get to this in the one hour of free'ness, but the $2 per kid was WELL worth it.

Flynn chose a caterpillar to ride. Gabe chose a lion, but it didn't go up & down, so Daddy talked him out of it.We're thankful a million times over that we bought this backpack carrier. It's perfect for the zoo, Gabe (or Flynn when they take turns) is as tall as an adult while he's in it & can see everything. Flynn rides in the stroller & hops out at each thing.
Send help! I'm trapped in a frog dome!

"Mom!, It's amazing, did you see it?!"
I *LOVE* this photo...
she might beat the daylights out of him at home, but when we're out & about, she takes care of him. Look at her hands on him.

Here she pets the guineas while Gabe reacts to a squawking parakeet.

Thank you Daddy for skipping work to take us to one of our favorite places. A reason we love living in STL is the very awesome & free zoo. We're glad to take a trip to the city when we get to spend the day together, excitedly checking out all the animals & their habitats.

Wait 'til you hear what we did today.

We're a family on the go!!

Confirmation

That it is indeed summer:
The crazy neighbors next door just had their father over taking the CHRISTMAS LIGHTS off the house.
And the whole time I'm thinking - given the average month to put up lights is November, aren't you just 1/2 a year away from putting them back up?
Or,
you can look at it like this:
they definitely got their effort's worth.
You know, some people go through all this trouble to have their lights up for "only" a month. This way, the neighbors really got to enjoy their dad's effort.
Sidenote: Jeff thinks one of them is gay.

It's a great place to live.

It's Official...

It's summer...

Who Does This Kid Think He Is?

This was a night when Flynn was "pending the night" w/ a family member (I can't remember which one) & Gabe was taking full advantage. Sprawling out, claiming the whole house, making everything in his sight his territory....drinking his milk everywhere, carefree...

Jeff & I got so tickled to see him head over to the recliner & kick up the foot rest.

Ironic considering his feet don't even go to the end of the SEAT part of the recliner.

Jeff grabbed the camera & said,

Look at this kid! Who does he think he is?? You need to blog this & call it, "Who Does this kid think he is??"

And so I did!

May 16th

Was the due date for the baby I was pregnant with between Flynn & Gabe. Flynn was only 8 months old when I got pregnant & even though we were 'open' to pregnancy at that point (we were wanting to have babies close together & with my lack of ovulation, we figured the best way to do that was to start trying right away after baby Flynn was born), I was pretty surprised to have gotten pregnant without "trying" (clomid, progesterone, glucophage, ovulation calendars/predictors, etc.). And sometimes with the surprise of a pregnancy, comes the unappreciation of it.

We were happy as larks that we were already going to have another (especially with little effort of 'making' that baby) & I seemed to be unstable about those emotions. One minute I'd be on cloud 9, the other I'd be in sheer panic, consulting everyone I knew who had babies 18 months apart.
I recall standing in the water sports aisle at Target. They were marking down all their life preservers, beach toys, swim gear --- which is the time we buy all our stuff for the following summer. Flynn was still considered an infant & so we were deciding (since she was so tiny), if she'd still be wearing infant stuff the following year.
I started to cry, at the overwhelming thought of having TWO babies in the pool that following summer.

I think back to that often. It's one thing I can't get out of my mind as to how I wasn't positive about EVERY single thing having to do with that baby.

So, when I lost that baby, don't you know -- I beat myself up in guilt about all those little moments that I wasn't high as a kite on the thought of the little one growing inside me.

What a hard thing to know life, love that life within you, make plans for that life.... then, just like the moment you learned about that baby, you are losing that baby. And there's nothing you can do.
I've had some pretty tough things happen in my life & have felt complete helplessness in those situations; but nothing like losing the life within you.

The doctor referred to the baby I was losing as a 'fetus', 'tissue', etc. But anyone believing in God-created life, the moment it begins, knows that the instant that baby is thought into existance by our heavenly father, it is a life...a person...a part of your family.

Being a mother losing a baby is a very strange role to be in. And you don't quite know your job in all of it. But grief.

I remember the moments I realized that it was happening -- and called my sister to tell her. It just hurt so much. And I couldn't stop it.

And that night, Jeff held me as I cried myself to sleep.

But was comforted when I remembered that someone hurt about it, just as much as I did. My Father, who was allowing it to happen, was also hurting with me. He was wiping away my tears but no doubt shedding His own.
He knew exactly what it was like to lose your child.

We were of course never sure if that baby was to be our baby girl, or baby boy. But both Jeff & I agreed we felt like the baby was another girl.

And like all hurts, the sting fades just a little bit over time. But didn't quite feel like it was hurting less until my friend brought me a framed drawing. It is a picture of Jesus, holding a baby in an embrace. Just like we would've held that baby. Loving the baby, breathing in the baby, looking at the baby.

I was so comforted by the visual reminder that was the reality. And that when we get to heaven, we'll have a member of the family waiting there. A child we never got to meet here will be waiting for us. But until I'm there to mother that baby, to hold her in my arms like I got to hold my other babies, Jesus will be holding her.

Grace

This is an excerpt from Children's Ministry magazine & it's about the things that really matter when you're teaching a lesson to your kids.
I thought this was definitely worth blogging:

"....That's why grace is amazing. It's undeserved, unbelievable, and unfathomable. It flies in the face of justice. It dances on the graves of death. Grace enters the messy and murky. It's also our deepest spiritual need. We all hunger for grace."

Sure, probably the most popular hymn, or even song across the board for that matter - is AMAZING GRACE. But, I still don't think we talk about, think about, concentrate on grace near enough.

The more I read about it, or learn about it, the more the Holy Spirit reveals about it to me, the more I realize how much grace associates with sin. I mean, you can't have grace without it...what would you have to be graceful about?

And sometimes I think that's why lots of churches don't talk about it enough.

But they should. I'm a sinner. You're a sinner. And if you think you're not, you've got a lot to learn. I screw up all the time. All. the. time. And I have to rely on that grace every minute of the day. In every aspect of myself. In my marriage, my motherhood, my family, my friendship, my profession, & most importantly, my relationship with Christ.

I love that hot hubby & I were both brought up with a strong faith. We each brought to our relationship a strong love for God, a loyalty to Him, & a drive to pay homage to Him.
And you always want more for your kids, you want better... And I think what I would sprinkle into the mix of our faith(s) is grace. That no matter what we've done or not done in our lives, our pasts.... no matter how we screwed up yesterday, or this morning.... that it doesn't matter. He's not going to bless us less...or more.... His love is unchanging.

He's ours.
We're His.

So That's How it Works

Back in January, I got the idea that I wanted to join a gym. Curves specifically (a women-only, circuit work out place). Knowing that the monthly payment was not welcome anywhere in our budget, I tried to brainstorm the best (only) way to make it work.

So, I figured, if I could get a job there, part time, working say - one or two evenings per week, I would not only have a TINY bit of spending money, but would have a free membership, PLUS, would be killing two birds with one stone by working out on the evenings I'm already there working.

So, I went one morning, walked in & said to the employee, "Hi there. Can I have an application?"
She quickly cut me off, "Oh, we're not hiring."

I knew she wasn't the owner or the manager, so I was surprised to hear her answer that way. In my days of management at different companies, you always took applications of individuals who seemed like they could make an outstanding employee. I mean, I don't have MASTERS DEGREE stamped on my forehead, but you know what I mean.

I persisted, "Well, can I fill out an application anyway?"
Her: Sure.

The whole time I was filling it out, I had a feeling that my application was going to get tossed the minute I walked out the door. But, wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt & filled it out except for one phone number.
And the next day, I called back (figuring there'd be a different person working) to give the "missing" phone number.
"Well hon, I don't see your application anywhere. Hmmm. Maybe the owner took it? Well, I'll just write the phone number on a sticky note & put it in her box."

I wanted to tell her that I figured she could find the application because it's probably been shredded, but I didn't.

Granted, I'm not a fitness guru or have the body of Jane Fonda 35 years ago (or even today!), but I figure that I'm of a 'mature' age, have a decent education, lots of great work experience, & darn good references. Especially for a minimum wage job opening or locking a door to open a gym that pretty much runs itself. As far as I can see, the hardest part of the job is listening to a 70-year old woman talk about all the great deals she got a Dollar General that morning.

Fast forward four months. On a 'trial' (free) 3-week membership to Curves, I've been faithfully working my behind (well, one of the four) off. There is a young girl (like 20) who works there. She's very sweet. And she's VERY chatty. Like divulges lots of info. So, I said to her, "So Angie, have you worked here long?"
Angie: About 4 mos.
Me- thinking, hm, that's about the time I came in inquiring about a job.

Later, me: "Angie, do you go to church anywhere?"
Angie tells me the church she attends & starts telling me about allll the people who she attends church w/ who work out at curves.
And then.
She tells me.
"And you know Carol? She works here." She proceeds to describe the lady who "took" my application back in January & told me that they aren't hiring.
"well, Carol got me the job here. She really wanted me to get to work here."

Ahhh. Hm. So that's how it works?

PS Monday night, I heard Angie talking to a member, "So you said you were on a trip? In Albuquerque? Where's that?"

Apparently geography is not a job requirement.

Heard Thousands of Times Each Day at Our House

"Watch this Momma, Watch!" (by Flynn)
and
"Pleeeease Momma?, Pleeeease??" (by Gabe)

Like a Kid in a Candy Store

Behold: The Goodness

Today, in a town about 20 miles from here, a Dierbergs opened. We've been passing the exit for months now, watching the days on the 'countdown' banner dwindle, while my excitement did anything but dwindle.





Never did I think I'd be so excited about a GROCERY STORE opening. But when you live in a somewhat rural town that has a bunch of grocers, but none who give a hoot about soy products or whole products or organic foods.


Heck, the 'fanciest' grocery store in our town had no clue what andouille sausage is. Each person I asked, passed me onto the next, until I finally got to deal with the butcher. He answered me with a good southern Missouri draw, "Ohhhh.... you mean AN-DILLY sausage."


Me: "Sure."


And it had to be special ordered.





So, you can see that finding cutting edge products might be a problem. So, I nearly wet myself when I walked into that big store today & happened upon a WHOLE aisle dedicated to all things organic.





And Jeff's going to wet himself when he finds out that I spent $99 on such products. But honey, good eatin' ain't cheap. Just ask the butcher about the an-dilly.

A Day in the Life of an Allergy Mom

It would take me forever to write every single moment or meticulous thing I have to do to ensure Flynn's safety. But here are some of the things I can remember (as I'm barely able to stay awake right now):

6:30 am Flynn wakes me. I know lots of moms who brag that their kiddos don't wake them or they can wave them off to the other room to play or watch tv. But not an option for us. She could help herself (not likely, but still) to something to eat or drink that could be deadly for her. Or if something was left out the night before, or by Jeff in haste for his early departure. So, I'm up with her.
She immediately asks for a drink. I go ahead & pour Bub's cup too since I like to group task & Mondays are a bit rushed. I have a method of unscrewing his cup, but leaving the lid on til the last moment...I then hold his lid in one hand as I fill it up w/ the other. That eliminates the chance that his lid will leave a residue on the sink. Which could be deadly to her (you'll see that phrase a few times)

7:30 am I put her breakfast out. We have this down pat, but I can't just give her any ol' thing. It has to be what we've bought ahead knowing it's safe. I gave her a banana & a roll.

8:30 am Papa gets here. I show him which cup is hers as she takes one final drink & puts it away. I also remind him that she'll be dropped off after dance by our good friend (the only one trusted so far w/ such a task) today.

8:45 am Load her up in the car. She asks to sit in Gabe's carseat which is in the middle. I usually say no becuz I'm scared the straps / upholstry could have something unsafe (dried milk ingredient something) on them. I say yes this time. For whatever reason.

9 am Drop Flynn off. Kiss her, but not directly on the lips. I don't think I've eaten anything unsafe, but it's just not good practice (besides, major germ-spreading). Touch base w/ good friend & double check that she's dropping Flynn off. I scan girls' faces as I walk out of the studio to see if anyone has obvious signs of dirty mouths / breakfast debris...
Five minutes later. Pray the whole way to my meeting that Flynn stays safe. Will a buddy hold her hand in dance class who maybe ate a chocolate donut on the way to dance? Will someone have a milk mustache & kiss her on the cheek?

10 am (in my meeting) The phone rings. It's Papa. He was a bit worried, Flynn got dropped off w/ a package of the McD's apple slices (sans caramel dip) & he's not sure they're safe. They are. And our good friends know this (she asked ahead of time) but I failed to communicate that to Papa. And am glad he double-checks everything.

11 am Read an email about a little boy who died from a peanut allergy. Say another prayer for Flynn that she'll be safe when she's out of my care.

11:30 am Leaving meeting to go to Shop N Save to get soy dream ice cream. Flynn's preschool is having a beach day & they're (for whatever reason) serving ice cream as the snack. So, I must bring an alternative unless I want her left out again.
They don't carry the i.c.sandwiches anymore. I sadly pick up a $5 pint of plain chocolate. Knowing I'll have to make them.

12 pm Get home. Scrub my hands.
Non challantly comb over her face when I see her. It's just habit now. I don't even mean to do it. So many times tho I've discovered welts/bumps/reactions from the outside 'world'.

12:30 pm Bribe her w/ "Just one more bite & we'll make cookies." We make the cookies. Then I smear dabs of ice cream on each & sandwich to freeze.

1 pm Make a mental note that I need to send a package of wet wipes w/ her for the kids to wipe their hands off after their ice cream. One drip could be deadly.

1:30 pm Try to convince Flynn that a nap would be really fun. And then I could get some stuff done.

4 pm Panic thinking about how I let Flynn talk me into her staying ALL DAY at preschool tomorrow. And what will she take for lunch??

6 pm Dino Nuggets, peas, & fries for supper. Daddy & I have pizza becuz he did a fundraiser & we ordered some. She gets close to me while I'm eating & I snap at her that she should know better than to get close to me when I'm eating something 'unsafe'. Then I think about how she's 4.5 yrs old & how many other kids her age have such responsibility.
Wash hands & mouth.

8 pm I'm working out & hear someone bashing McDonalds. I hate it too but defend it as it's one place we know she has a few safe options.

9 pm Get back from working out. Go to her bed where she's sleeping & kneel down. Say a long prayer that God will protect her like He always does. Please Lord, keep her wise & sound, bring to her rememberance all the careful procedures we've taught her. Give her teachers quickness & concentration w/ her allergy. Keep her from harm.

9:15 pm Laugh at the uncrustables Jeff tried to make. He blames his difficulties on the bread because it's "so soft".
Talk to Jeff about how I can keep her ic sandwiches froz during the 30-minute ride.
Pack the mother of all lunches. Daddy's sandwich (5th try). Pickle spears. Apple sauce. 2 cookies. I cut wheat tortilla into strips & Jeff laughed & asked what she was supposed to do w/ that. I just didn't want her to be hungry. So I sprinkled it w/ cinnamon. Frozen Capri Sun. I wrote I LOVE YOU on the container. I made sure I packed a paper plate & napkin. I got scared thinking about lunch time tomorrow.

10 pm Read email. Allergy fair coming this weekend. Excited about seeing new stuff to make our lives easier.

This is one of the easier days. Scary days are days w/ birthday parties & family dinners. Or going places like chuck e cheese's or someone's house. There are a million things I do everyday w/o even realizing it, that I did not document because it's just 2nd nature to me from doing them for over 4 years.

I always have to give God thanks for blessing Jeff & I with our abilities to keep Flynn's environment safe. I've only messed up a couple of times. And that's only because of God's protection.

All I Want For Mother's Day

....is still asleep, lying in their beds.
And I can honestly say, that I think I'm the luckiest woman on the face of the earth. If my life ended today, I for sure have everything I've ever wanted & my life is complete.

This was our first "baby". And I have to say that in this case, puppies are a bit more difficult than human babies. Marley went to a new home when Flynn was one & we learned of her severe dog allergy.

This was Jeff & I at the House of Blues, our last trip without a kid in tow (well, one was in tow, but the 'easy' way). We were waiting in line to see Ziggy Marley.

When Flynn was born, via emergency C-section, I got to briefly hold her while they wheeled us back to recovery (in the bed). I didn't get to hold her again (except for a brief moment where I unsuccessfully tried to nurse her but she wasn't interested since she couldn't breathe), until she was a week old, & freshly off 1/2 her wires & tubes.

I'll never forget that moment, EVER. We were finally getting to bond & I'll always remember how our eyes locked & she gazed at me until she fell asleep.

We were so excited when we came in the morning of this photo, and she was wearing only her heart monitor. We knew we were one step closer to bringing our baby girl home!

Happy First Bday Flynn!

My very swollen & very pregnant (8 mos) belly, with our boy bakin' away inside.

We meet Gabe.

Flynn meets Gabe.


It was so surreal to me the night after I had Gabe. Being able to actually have my baby with me! I didn't sleep for like days after I had him.

This was one day when Flynn was at Nana's. I spent the whole afternoon playing with Gabe. When you're the 2nd kid, you're not real familiar with uninterrupted time with your Momma.

When Flynn was 8 months old, I was pregnant again. We lost that baby. Now we can anticipate being reunited with him or her in heaven.

Life's not easy when you're a mom. You'll never be the same. Your heart gets broken. You don't go long between cries. You find yourself a lot more tender than you were before. But it's a change I thank God for. The hard work of taking care of 2 little people who can't take care of themselves, the loud house, then toys everywhere. I wouldn't trade them for the world.



And now, these handsome kids seem to be all my life has known. What a blessed life with them.

Happy Mother's Day to my mom, to my mom in law, to all the women who are blessed to be a momma.

She Has a Plan

While reading a Fisher-Price lift-the-flaps book, we had a little conversation about cats. I'll admit, the illustration of the kittens (which were described as "frisky") did make me say 'aww' too. And it really must've tugged at Flynn's heart strings, as it plotted the ultimate plan in her mind,
"Dad's allergic to cats. Maybe. Hm. Maybe we could get a cat while he's gone. Yah, let's get one when he's gone.
Then when he gets home, we could take it back where we got it."

Do pet places take pets back at night?

Daddy, you'd better hurry & get home. Or you might hear meowing in the background when you call & check on us at your plan time.

Save Your Money

Because if you do spend a great deal of money,

on educational toys.

Things that they see on tv.

Things they ask for.

Stuff the grandparents, the aunts, the friends

all buy them.

The fancy toys with

the bells & whistles.

Instead,

they'll play with an old laundry basket,

a little bowl,

and some marbles.

She Said She Wants to Get Her Ears Pierced

What's next?, Prom?!

For now I'll settle for her being a princess ballerina.

Being dainty.

Appreciating a good dance partner.

And loving her best friends.

Show n Tell Snapshots

So, this is what it looks like when you're the one chosen for

SHOW N TELL.

And how clever, when your mom lets you take your camera.

That way, she gets to see what you see,

when it's show n tell.

You Don't Say

A lot of times when I mean to write "barely", I accidentally write "barfly". And, sometimes I wonder how accidental it really is.

Another funny thing - when we built in this subd 6 yrs ago, we learned all our neighbors' names. And since then, about 1/2 of them have moved on, selling their homes to the current owners. The weird thing about hot hubs & I is that we still call those homeowners (the current ones), by the old owners' names.
So,
to whoever lives in Dan's; Ben & Rhonda's; Matt & Vicki's; Miranda & Josh's; & the Mexicans (who literally crossed the border to live here in this humble community), we say,
Welcome.
And please don't be offended if we don't learn your name.
We won't be here long.