Reasons I Should Not Go to Walmart

I have a hard time even capitalizing walmart....
I hate it that much.
My standing joke at parties, is that I'd rather get a pap smear than shop at walmart.
After my a.m. visit today, there are other examinations I'd add to the list.

Herego reasons I'd rather be anywhere else:

• it makes me strongly dislike others in the human race
• it makes me make ugly faces & be mean
• it makes me throw things & talk sarcastically to people
• it makes me say obvious things, outloud, even tho I'm alone, like, 'why are you stopping in the middle of an aisle, for no reason?' OR 'whose cart is this?'
• I want to trip or push down people

People, I don't mind moving over.... sliding my cart, stopping for you, waiting for you to decide IN THE MIDDLE OF AN AISLE if you want elbow, spiral, or shell shaped pasta.... just please, acknowledge that I did so...and Maybe, just MAYBE, say thanks or excuse me?

Since adjusting my blood pressure meds, I'm a new woman. I'm not tired all the time & dizzy & I actually hop out of bed in the am & go! So, at 10 'til 6 this morning, that's what I did. If I *have* to go to walfart, I do it at the crack of dawn. Becuz, if I have to be in that armpit of a place, I want it to be when most of the people I have a hard time being around, are sleeping it off.

I needed to buy fabric for church. So, I went to the fabric dept. No one was there. I was a buzzer to ring w/ a note, "Ring Bell for Service." Wow, how accomodating I thought! So I rang...and rang... and rang...

no one.

for miles.

So, I went to the auto dept, just adjacent to the fabric dept. Where I saw a man older than dirt. And I said, "Is anyone working in fabric?"

"huh?"

"Can you page someone to assist me in the fabric dep't?"

Apparently, that wasn't on his to-do list, and that bothered him. Tremendously. So he very hatefully & very Jeff Foxworthyly paged, "A customer needs help in fabric."

So I went back to my 'post' to wait for my help.

That never came.

Ever.

So, I strolled over to Layaway. Lights on. No one home.

So, I strolled back to my 'post.' Again. To wait. Again. No one.

So, I walked around like a moreon...aimlessly, looking for someone who worked there. Or who was working I should say.

Again. No one.

So, I heard some conversation coming from a hall by layaway. So, like a private investigator, I parked outside of the doorway & as soon as I saw a blue vest, I jumped all over them like I do when I buy bubblegum ice cream (see previous post). They kinda laughed & said, "I doubt anyone is scheduled in fabric 'til 7."

I looked at my watch, it said 7. So I muttered something hateful about 'how it would be nice if there was a little sign that said that....as most people assume that since the STORE IS OPEN 24 HOURS, THAT IT'S ACTUALLY OPEN' through my superglued glasses. Tightened my ponytail & begrudgingly wheeled my loaded cart back to fabric.

I rang the bell again. Just for the heck of it.

Here came the 5th golden girl. Her trademark would be the penciled in eyebrows. She was sweet tho & it wasn't her fault that no one bothered to tell me that she would be my white knight - not scheduled 'til 7. So she helped me. And I smiled & talked about my kids, and acted like there wasn't 45 mins previously wasted, trying to find help...

That I won't get back.