Amy and the Aggravating, Very Annoying, Not Bad, Very Good Day

This is another one of those posts wherein I complain; whilst those of you who have 'real' cause to complain roll your eyes at me & mutter under your breath how blessed I am & how dare I be negative.
I hear ya chirpin'.
BUT, we all have a right to vent & be heard, and my blog is that very outlet.
So, here goes...

Gabe for whatever reason will not walk down the steps anymore. I don't know why, he just stands at the top & tells me something important, only I don't understand what he's saying. And while I make several trips downstairs to the car before we actually leave to go somewhere, I don't want one of those to include carrying his 2-yr old self. Get with the program Bubby.

So, we leave this morning, with no time to spare (my fault, I know), to head toward 'the city', to have Gabe's audiology screening done. It was next door to the hospital where Flynn was born, in a medical building.
And if you know anything about medical buildings, you know the parking can down right stink. So, imagine my delight when I pull into the closest row & spot a person climbing into their Explorer at the end space closest to the crosswalk. Woohoo, I let out a relieved call (because, remember, I didn't have time to spare) as we had approximately 2 minutes to unload people from car seats, cross the walk, go up in the elevator, & find an office we'd never been to.
So, we patiently wait as the man adjusts his seat, puts on his seat belt...apparently does the 5-point check list he learned 60 years prior in Drivers' Ed. I found myself tapping my finger on the steering wheel but reassured myself, 'Hey! Close spot! No prob!!'
That was moments before I saw a grey malibu rounding the corner of the row. The way I was positioned, it was going to be easy for me to just pull straight into the spot, as the row I was perpendicular to was shorter than the row I'd be joining. But, alas! Old Lady Malibu had other plans. And as Explorer finally started backing out, he did so in the manner which blocked me & allowed Old Lady Malibu to TAKE OUR SPOT.
No I'm not kidding!
What you ask?, perhaps she didn't know we were waiting for the spot??
Then, the 10 honks I sounded BEFORE she pulled into the spot should've been a notice for her. But she just looked at us & proceeded. So, the next 40 honks were just for Pete's sake.
And when Flynn asked why I honked, I was honest, "I'm just a little aggravated 'cause that lady took our spot."
"She butted? That's not nice."
"No honey, it's not."

Then, she tried, re-tried, & tried again to get her malibu perfect into the straight simple space. And as we trudged across the parking lot, 1 large (awesome) purse, 1 medicine backpack, & a diaper bag; along with a toddler who didn't want to walk, and a preschooler who wanted to do balance beam on all the curbs, we ended up walking by Old Lady Malibu as she FINALLY was finished parking & was getting out of her car. (sorry for the longest run-on sentence in the world there).
Did I want to say something?
Heck yah.
But the honking was enough of a lesson to my kids on how mommy is just human.

Then, we get into the waiting room at exactly the appointment time. I sign him in & let Flynn choose where we would sit. She chose a row behind the only people in the waiting room. I talked her into one more row away, so as not to crowd 'Fake Ponytail' & her daughter. Fake Ponytail spent a great deal of time looking me up & down while I signed Gabe in. I even made eye contact with FP to let her know 'I see you checking me out Fake Ponytail. And is that a fake ponytail?'
FP took the next 30 minutes (yep, that's how long we waited out there) being subconciously rude. Rolling her eyes when Gabe was making a repetitive noise with a toy & sharply telling her mini ponytailed daughter to turn around when she was just watching my kids with their toys; which was totally normal for her mini me to curious about the surrounding children, plus it was something to do.

So, after waiting 30 minutes, the hearing professional (don't know her exact title), spent all of ten minutes with us to tell us that yes, Gabe's hearing is within the normal range. Something really sweet tho, was that she then pulled out a rubbermaid tote full of brand new dollar store toys & let each kiddo pick something out, while she typed up the results. While I completely guide my children's choices, there are some things worth letting them make a decision all on their own. This was such a case. And, after strong warning from me, "Flynn, remember the paddle & ball you got for Valentine's Day that broke right away? This is like that & probably won't last long. Look at this cute ball & scoop set, that'd be fun at the park later." I probably said that five times. But, but, but....
She chose the ball & paddle.
And.
It broke 2 minutes down the road.
What you say? She had plenty of other toys??
That's what I said through the ten minutes of tears. And, not letting a learning opportunity pass me by, I reminded PaddleGirl that I warned her & that she needs to listen better to Momma, who knows all about things breaking & cheap toys. And everything else in the world. Forever.

Fast forward to the park. This is the park close to the hospital. And is VERY COOL. We rarely go as it's so far & so, when in the neighborhood & it's not one of the 100 days it's rained so far this spring, we stop by for a good time.
That's what all the moms in West St Louis county must've said this morning.
Have I mentioned that I'm Crowd Overly Conscious? In other words, I hate waiting, my kids waiting, and 30 other snotty noses on the same play structure as my 2 snotty-nosed kids. But hey, we're practically in the city right?, when in Rome, I say...Let's play! Let's have fun! Now GO!
And they went. And had fun. And were perfectly polite (no bias there or overexagerration, the kids are gold in public).
Enter: Overly Protective Mom in a Fanny Pack (for the sake of time & cyberspace, we'll further refer to her as OPMFP).
OPMFP had a cute little boy about 3 or so months younger than the Bubmeister, who plays on his own & has for quite sometime now.
Now, I must step in & admit some overly-protectiveness myself here....I have been deemed a mom who shelters her kids & by golly, I don't mind it a bit...as long as it's not affecting others.
Okay, so picture a pretty large play structure: 3 slides, 2 sets of steps, 2 bridges, a climbing wall, a ladder, lots of bells & whistles.
To the side, note, a toddler structure - really small scale. Based around a tunnel in the middle, shallow steps, & a teeny tiny slide. All of this a'top the really soft rubber squares. In other words this little tod deal, NO ONE is going to get hurt on this thing. I'm convinced that an infant could randomly roll around & not get so much as a scratch.
OPMFP did NOT think so. She let her two year old climb up the steps as she WALKED BEHIND HIM. Um, lady, do you realize there's only like 2 steps & you could more accurately reach out your hand & secure your kid WHO DOESN'T NEED SECURING?
She didn't realize. And as I approached the structure because Gabe had already ran to it & was up one step, OPMFP had started to panic because OMIGOSH, my TWO YEAR OLD is climbing through the safe, perfectly level & danger-free tunnel ALL BY HIMSELF, I must *IMMEDIATELY* be at the other end of the tunnel because if I don't, LORD HELP US ALL, he might just do something without me, like practice some independence.
What you say? It's her perrogative?
Wrongo, not when she STARTS BACK DOWN THE STEPS in a panicked attempt to get to the other end of the whopping 2-ft long tunnel, she didn't bother looking behind her where Gabe is waiting his turn.
As she blindsides him & doesn't stop, doesn't apologize, just keeps saying, "Omigosh honey, wait for me!!", she acted like he was about to step off the side of the Empire State building. She never looked back to see if the kid she knocked backward was okay or if he suffered fanny pack abrasion.
That won the annoying award for the day. And her prize was me saying, "Oh gees, Gabe!, watch out...for.....the, uh, mom!"

Then, when we finally arrived home after the day's excitement, I decided to give into Flynn's week-long pleas of, "Momma, can I pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease plant in your garden??"
So, I handed her her gardening gloves, a baseball cap, & set her free in the messy, small flower bed she likes to call Momma's 'garden'. Gabe was sleeping, so I took the opportunity of her being busy with the dirt, to clean up some areas of the yard I never get to.
As I weeded & leveled a corner spot by the porch, straightening up brick & picking up rocks, I thought I noticed a snake skin.
Then.
I noticed
A SNAKE.
Between two bricks, I saw shiny grey skin. So, I pulled out my flag stake & poked the 'thing' to see if it was alive.
It was.
And it slithered down deeper into the cave of bricks, until I could no longer see its reptilia skin.
Have I mentioned that I'm an outdoors girl 'til it comes to SNAKES & SPIDERS?

Mix into the day's events, getting cut off on the highway, and waiting in traffic for a 'fresh' accident.

And that right now, both kids are in time out for 1 hitting & the other hitting back.

Peace out.

Monday Mumblings...

on a Tuesday...

-I'm starting a diet. You heard it here first. I hope to lose 25 lbs. No kidding. And so, by letting my readership (a whopping 100 of you) see this, I'm making myself accountable to you. No more 1/2 gallons of bubble gum ice cream within 48 hours of buying it. No big pretzels dipped in cheese at 10 pm.

-There's only one thing I dislike more than singing in a wedding...singing in a funeral; which I must do today.

-I have not heard hide nor hair from any districts. Maybe I should've had someone pimp my resume, instead of pimpin' my van.

-Gabe starts private speech Thursday. Is supposed to have a complete hearing test (to rule out that hearing is the culprit) tomorrow. We found out that the insurance won't cover any of that too. So, keeping out appointment is a decision we must make based on whether or not I can sell an ovary.

-Gabe is feeling better - a little better each day. But, has had redness above his upper lip this past month (about the time he's been fighting this virus); which has gotten worse in the last 2 days. This is almost his last symptom - perhaps the virus leaving his body? (fingers crossed)

-Since Flynn's 'ride home' from Dancing Class is taking a week in Disney (lucky Madelyn!!), Papa picked her up yesterday, while I was in my staff meeting. But when Papa picks up, they don't come home, they head to the "Dollar Tree" (PS Gabe's vocab consists of only about 100 words, 2 of them are DOLLAR TREE!!) to pick out things that Momma would never buy for them. Including, but not limited to, a Happy Birthday mylar balloon & 2 jelly-like wall crawlers, which left an oily residue on my livingroom wall, creating the illusion of a giant spider's & mammoth frog's shadow.

-5 games left in this soccer season. Not that I'm counting down the days until we have Daddy for normal hours again (for a couple of months).

-Speaking of Daddy & soccer (which happens quite often), Daddy has put together a soccer team, for fun (if you call fun a brutal competition), wherein he'll be playing, outside, with guys 'his age', every Monday night.
Not happy about there being another night we don't see him, but am very happy that he'll be doing something just for him, having fun & doing what he loves (& is good at), soccer.

-It's in the 30s right now. That's just stupid.

-Why can't I like oatmeal bars?, they're the favorite of these two kids. They're healthy & a stick-to-your-ribs breakfast. But they make me gag.

Missouri

Where else could you have your air conditioning on one day, then your heat on the next?

Danskin meets WWF

This is part 2 of a video I was taking wherein my cheesy camera couldn't handle more than a 1 minute video. So I had to restart.

It was all going fine & dandy...er, fine & graceful when I guess it was too much daintiness. Then my girl up & slams down on her knees, upon the pedistal ottoman where she dances.

Then she ends the clip with a curtsy (kind of).

Call it interpretive dance.

Child Labor Rules!

Which contradicts Child Labor Laws.

(by the way, I meant 'Rules!' as in it totally rocks)

Give the girl a wet wipe & watch her go.

She knows the kitchen is off limits as that could mean drops of dairy which could be ultra dangerous!

Gabe is a good 'picker-upper'; but that's the limit of his cleaning abilities.

He also tends to get distracted (like me) & will go to put one car away in the 'car basket' & I'll look over to see him picking out a new one to play with. Um, Gabe, that's not how it works.

But I see myself doing that too. I will go to put something away, only to be side tracked by something in that room. And, before I know it, I'm looking at an old box of cards from my 16th birthday. No kidding, that happened the other night.

I hope it's not just fun for them. I hope they're learning a bit of responsibility & perhaps a glimpse of how hard it is for Momma, when others aren't doing their part!

I [heart] Thursdays

Conversations about Heaven

The other day, Flynn & I had a pretty intense conversation about HEAVEN. I think she's actually excited about going. Right now, how we came about conversing with such a mature topic, escapes me.
She asked if we just lay there & 'sleep' at the hospital, after we die.
"No, I'm pretty sure right then & there we go to heaven."
"So, does Jesus come down & get us?"
"I'm not sure....maybe an angel escorts us up there."
She squealed (a strong fondness of angels).
"So, the angel takes us up throught the clouds?"
"Yep, and there you wait for the other people you love to join you. So, if Momma were to die first, I'd wait there for you....and dad...and Bubs...."
"So, if I die, I wait there. If Bubby dies first, he waits there."
"Yep." (altho, not thrilled with thinking about such things).

"Flynn, heaven is going to be so wonderful. Guess what? In heaven, you WON'T be allergic to ANYTHING!!"

She got a huge grin on her face. All the while, I'm praying that she gets to experience such freedom BEFORE heaven.

"Do we have to die to get to heaven?"

"Probably. BUT, there is a chance that you'll be here on earth when Jesus comes back for everyone. And everyone here on earth, still alive, will have the chance to go back with Him...to heaven...if they have Him in their heart. You do, right?"

"Yes."

I didn't get into the whole splitting of the clouds...the trumpet....the graves opening. I figured, that was all a bit heavy for her four year old mentality.

But, we did talk a lot about the clouds.

Doctor Do-Little

UPDATE: We had him tested for cow's milk, at 12 mos & it was a false positive (thank God). He's had two allergy appts - one at 1 yr, the other at 2 yr bday. Both times, both allergists said he's not currently suffering from either of the A's. Thank God. But I do think it's interesting that he got a breathing treatment last night & quit coughing & fell right to sleep.

Gabe, donning the specs of Read (Flynn's latest build-a-bear)

Gabe got a cold on Good Friday. A few days later that cough began. For the following month, he has had a pretty bad cough, off & on. About two weeks after the cough began, I called the pediatrician's office, who offered to 'call out something for the cough.' I'm all about keeping the kids comfy, but am not thrilled about just putting a band aid on the problem. So I declined & did what I hoped would help.

Last week, his coughing escalated & by mid-week, he'd spiked a fever. I called the pedi-office, where I 'asked' for him to be seen. As I posted last week, we were sent onto have x-rays done, which were clear & negative for pneumonia. On the phone, the phone nurse from the dr's office, gave me the results & then recommended I treat the fever. No antibiotics.

That kind of surprised me; I figured if we needed an x-ray, we'd need some antibiotics. But, I trust the dr very much, & didn't argue it.

But, after he ran a temp all day Friday. Sat early morning. Then, again Sunday night, I've really been concerned. He has to be losing weight, he is not interested in eating most of the time. I can almost get one meal out of him each day. All morning with Papa, he just wanted to lay in Papa's arms. And THAT is rare when his favorite person of all time, Papa is here. Then, he fell asleep just a few hours after waking, & ended up sleeping over 4 hours. Now, the boy loves his naps, but doesn't usually love them 4 hour's worth.

Whatever this is, doesn't appear to be contagious. I've accidentally exposed him to others(unknowingly) several times. And over this month-long illness, not one of us has succumbed to what he has.

So, here I sit, hearing him cough his head off while he tries to sleep. Sometimes the cough sounds like he's getting something up; sometimes it's high in tone & almost squeaky. This past month we've tried triaminic, dimetapp, children's mucinex, rx-robitussin, rx-bromfed, humidifiers, showers, warm apple juice, avoiding dairy, propping him, praying for him. Jeff & I have just now decided to use Sissy's nebulizer to give him an albuterol treatment (totally diagnosing & medicating him OURSELVES) to see if that will help him at all.

If tomorrow is anything like today, I will call before the office closes to set an appointment for the following morning. If they don't want to see him, perhaps we'll be trying out a new practice. A month is too long to put up with being sick.

So, say a prayer for my sick skinny boy, that he'll get some relief & sleep cough-free tonight. And won't see another virus til NEXT flu season.

It's Not Gabrielle

I mean, maybe I wouldn't be so sore if Gabrielle was the original form, you know, GABRIEL, the messenger of God?!
Or, if it was indicative of his gender, right there, in his file.

Or could it because he's a he being referred to as a she?
Maybe that's it, cuz I don't get sore when people think Flynn is a boy's name. Then again, I expect that.

X-ray Vision

Gabe's x-ray is hanging on our patio door so that the sun can shed light on his bones & some of his organs. We think it's pretty neat. And at least once each day, I can see one of the kids standing & staring at it. Sometimes Flynn will ask what the different bones are.

Each time any of us have an X-ray or any test with film, I always ask for a copy. As long as they have what they need for their records, they don't need it. They might act like they mind, but since I send it to school w/ Jeff to share with his students, it's all in the name of education.

Plus, it makes for pretty cool keepsakes.

We've had one of the more exhausting weekends that we should be used to now. The kind where we get up early in the morning & don't come home all day because we'd just be home a few hours & have to turn around & trudge back into 'town' to be at another obligation - in the name of saving gas, money, energy, & time. Our sanity is sometimes sacrificed by living in the far outskirts of the city - where most of our activities take place. We now know that the money we saved on our house payment is eaten up by expensive gasoline prices.

Tighty Whiteys

We're trying.

He's trying.

to be DIAPER FREE in '08!

I Felt the Earth Move Under My Feet part deux

Last night wasn't the only time I've felt the earth shake. And when Jeff told me it was only rain & wind, that was enough to convince me to go back to the comatose state I had just gotten into after checking on Gabe's temp at 3 am.
Little did we know just two hours away, a pretty sizable earthquake was making the charts.

It got me thinking, would I know what to do in the event that it did more than rattle our windows & cause our frames to be less than straight?
Turns out, I wouldn't have a clue, I took this quiz & failed miserably. I guess all that training back in high school (thanks to Nostradamus' big scare) was only stored in my short term memory bank. And stop, drop, & cover is all I remember.

Wish They All CouldN'T Be California Girls

Mattie (moving), Vanessa, Hannah (moving), KK (moving)

because we want them to be Missouri girls forever.

My BIL, my sister, & my 3 loving/free-hearted/beautiful/clever/witty/smart/sweet/caring/Jesus-loving/babysitting nieces are moving away in two months.

Not just moving mind you, but moving as far away as possible, without driving off into the ocean.



I'm trying to talk a big game, you know, about the great opportunities, about a fresh start, about them getting to be less than an hour from the beach...

but inside I get a bit nauseous everytime I think about that Accord getting packed down & heading west.

I also get sad thinking about my kids growing up without those 3 around, laughing at them, tickling them, swinging them around, & teaching them how to play Red Rover the old fashioned dangerous way. And I'm equally sad as I know how they light up a room just walking into it & how their sincerity is beyond their years.



And you don't have to know me personally to know that my sister is my BF. It'll be weird being further away from her than thirty minutes. I haven't been far from her since coming home from college in '97.



But changes are in view for everyone. God knows what He's doing.



And -

I think my sister heading out of town might have something to do with her not giving her 6 hours of work from the weight loss contest she lost to me six months ago.

A little extreme, I admit - but some people will do anything to get out of cleaning someone's refrigerator.



Okay, okay Angie, I'll make you a deal. You guys call off this whole moving thing & I'll forget about the hours you owe me. Just like that. Blank slate.

I personally think I'm being generous.

Also Worth Noting

That Gabe, who has fought a cough off & on for a few weeks now, starting coughing again this morning. That alone didn't stand out in my mind except by the time I was ending a morning meeting, he crawled up in my lap & I noticed he had a fever. I figured that between the two, I should take him 'in'.

The pediatrician didn't like the 'sound of his lungs' & sent us on to get chest x-rays. Because you know, her co-pay wasn't quite enough of a spend today. But, since he's had this cough so long, I obliged & leaned over him on the x-ray table, bracing his shoulders -- with a smiley face protective apron on.

We found out before leaving there, that his x-ray was 'negative'; thank God.
Enough excitement for the day...
for the week!

Things Worth Mentioning

• I mentioned before that CURIOUS GEORGE & his 8 am show, are a priority here at the P house. I typically turn the TV off after the show ends, not to be turned on again until the kids are in bed, so I think it's worth a watch. Plus that monkey is so dang funny. Just now, while Gabe was watching (because Sissy is at school), I could hear the show. From what I could gather (not actually seeing it), George was waiting for The Man with the Yellow Hat to finish up his speaking engagement (TMWTYH is a very smart occupation of some kind, maybe an archaeologist? A scientist?) wherein he was saying a lot of smart things that were apparently over George's head & no doubt to be boring for the intended audience; therefore, rather than watching TMWTYH say what he actually said, he said, "Blah biddy blah, blah blah. Blah diddy boo." And then the crowd applauded. Don't you think that's funny? (or is it starting to get to me that I rarely interact with potty-trained people?)
• Yesterday, I was drying my hair. Flynn had to stand next to me during this as she had already hit her brother twice during my grooming. I guess she figured she'd strike up a conversation while she was in there (which meant my 15 minute hair drying took twice as long since I had to keep turning oFF the drying to say, "Huh?"). So, the topic of the morning was her allergic reaction the previous night. We evaluated it, she recollected details (some of which I thought she was "out of it" for), and we decided that even though Benadryl can be a life saver, the Jesus is the ultimate life saver. She abruptly ended the conversation by saying, "Mom, I'm going to go pray now. Really quiet." Now, how could I not discontinue my hair drying & go try to spy on her communing with God?! I snuck down behind her where I spied her standing at the side of my bed, leaning over it (it's too tall for her to kneal at). There wasn't a slow or quiet moment. I couldn't hear much, when I got too close the floor creaked & she looked to see if someone was there - and I was not about to interrupt her prayer time. "Dear God. Will you help me to not be sick? I want to be better. I don't want to itch. I don't want to cough. Thank you God for helping me......." I couldn't hear the rest. But she was all business. And when I heard her wrapping up her time with the Lord, I high-tailed it back to the bathroom where I pretended to be finishing up my post shower activities. I tried to act cool, but inside I was a pool of proud momma mush. And because my girl knows to take it to God, I'm not quite as worried today while she is at school & I am here, 25 minutes away.
• Gabe pottied again last night on the pot. Our warmer temps are here, I have no more excuses. As soon as I get my act together, we will begin POTTY NAZI here. Sans pants & potty seats everywhere. He will fill up a chart & 'earn' a model plan to paint with daddy.
• Daddy's soccer season is half way finished. Not that I'm counting games & crossing them off with a big black marker or anything.
• Flynn is earning an elephant sewing kit. I decided that enough was enough with her pottying while sleeping at night. I want to be Diaper Free in '08! So, she too is filling out a chart. 10 "E" stamps on her chart & she will be Seamstress FJ. She is so excited about the project. Granted we were up at 1 this morning, stripping her sheets & cleaning her up (we wouldn't have even known that she was sopping wet had the neighbors not awoken us with slamming doors & general loudness). I'm hoping the promise of the new craft will make her more forgiving when we carry her half-concious limp body into the potty at midnight to prevent an accident.
• Tomorrow is Friday & Sunday is supposed to be 73. How could that not make me smile?

It's Probably My Fault Again

note: My sis just told me that the mona vie w/ the green label (which is what I have) contains shelfish. That could be it.

With nothing else to think about, I've been mulling it over & over in my mind, just what in the world my girl had a reaction to!

The Acai berry is one of the most nutritious and powerful foods in the world... nature's perfect energy fruit... so I've started drinking Mona Vie, thanks to a generous distributor who has just GIVEN me my 2nd bottle.

Yesterday, a little of the juice got on Flynn's straw (from a cup), which was drying on a nearby towel. I thought nothing of it, the drink is natural, dairy free, & nothing but berries/fruits. So I rinsed it well, in hot water, & sat it back on the towel to dry.

She drank from that cup at 9 pm at bedtime. At 10:45 pm she was in the middle of her reaction. Her allergist just told me this morning that most food allergy reactions happen right away - usually within 2 hours. And that he felt strongly that she had had a viral reaction. ?? I think he's a wonderful doctor & agree with most things he says, but not this. I truly think she had a reaction to one of the fruits in the mona vie.
And once again I've nearly killed my child.
Mother of the Year?

Thank you for most who have asked how she is. Much better...well enough to pick fights with her bubby. Last night, while she slept had night terror after night terror, I did lots of web surfing & got much info. I have to thank God again for His blessings of everything always turning out okay (there's no eloquent way of saying it).

So, now we will be sure that she avoids acai, apricot, aronia, acerola, purple grape, passion fruit, camu camu, banana, lychee fruit, nashi pear, kiwi, pomegranate, prune, wolfberry, pear, bilberry, cranberry, blueberry, white grape. Must've been one of those fruits.

I Don't Know What People Do...

Who don't cry out to God.

I just wonder what they do when they're holding their sick child.

I am super thankful to serve a God who hears & answers prayers. It's lonely to think of not calling out to Him in times of trouble.

As of late, I've been out as soon as I sit down in the recliner or when my head hits the pillow. Tonight, that was at the miraculous time of 9:30. So, at 11 pm, I was smack dab in the middle of a REM. That's when Jeff yelled for me.

He was standing over Flynn in her bed, her 'overhead' light was on, & she was screaming, rolling around, & scratching furiously -- at about 50 patches of hives.

First of all, I had put my glasses on upside down, yes that's possible. So, when I got my bearings straight, I squatted down next to her bed & started barking orders.

One order was benadryl chewables. Thank God it's now made in this form. Except, it's really hard to open. And, I gave her 2 instead of 1. But, had we ended up in the ER, she would've gotten another antihistamine shot, so I didn't figure she was overdosed.

But, she was still in agony -- it's almost like when she has reactions, the itching is 'internal' & she's in torture. So, we used 1/2 a tube of benadryl cream on her spots. And if that stuff is absorbed into the bloodstream, she might end up sleeping for days.

Then, stripped down, we continually assess her hives. Are they less red? Are they going away?
And we check her breathing. Make sure she's not swelling. Check her pulse to be sure it's not slowed down enough for blood pressure to be a concern.
Anything that would point toward anaphylaxis.

And I worry - and tell Jeff, maybe we should take her to the ER. But the decent hospital is half an hour away & I know that anything that 'needs' to be done would need to be done within that time frame.

We bring her in the living room to change her clothes, just in case she had a reaction to her pjs or bedding. And she reaches out for me & only wants me to hold her.
So I realize this is my opportunity to get a hold of her & really pray over her.

I asked God to help her of course, but to also help us because we had to make such crucial decisions.

I mean, sheesh, if we were talking about some hives or a rash, it's one thing. But to know that less than a year ago, she almost died. And we're trying to figure out if it was something she had eaten or something had touched her.
Then you run through, in your mind, all the things that could happen. If I don't take her to the ER. If I do.

And you ask God to please give you wisdom. And you rock & rock & pray & thank Him because He gives a peace that You know only comes from Him.

And before I realized it - she had stopped her flailing, her moaning, & she was calm.

Schwoo - thank You once again Lord.

And now, she sleeps here on the couch beside me so I can watch her breathe. And keep thanking God.

You've Got Mail

Flynn's new favorite thing to do is get the mail. I happily indulge knowing this saves me a trip to the mailbox. But I usually do stand in the doorway to ensure her safety.

Yesterday she asked early if she could get the mail. And once we heard the squeaky brakes of the mail jeep, she anxiously grabbed her crocks.

I asked, "Do you want Mommy to watch from the window, or the door?"

"The door."

And as I stood at the doorway, I reminded her at each concrete step, to hold the rail. She stepped high to cautiously look for the next step and as she reached the bottom, she chose her course. Rather than skip down the ferociously gruff driveway, to my relief, she ran across the grass instead. I couldn't but smile as her little arms stretched out like the wings of an airplane & I think I heard her say, 'Weeee.'
When she got to that big green mailbox & reached up to pull down the 'back door', nothing could detour her...except that is, for a dandelion. Which she spied & reached down to snatch up & retrieve back to me, "Here Mommm....here's a flower for you."
Even though the process was long & took much energy, she once again turned to go down those concrete steps & toward the mailbox.

The 'flower' was worth the second trip.

2 More Angels in Heaven

Feeling sad & sympathetic, reading about this family & this family .

It puts everything into perspective.

And makes me thankful.

Conversations between Mothers

"Momma, look! Look!" She shows me her make-shift cradle. "A baby has been born!!"

"Oh, can I see? What's the baby's name?"

"Her name is Polly!" (Polly?!)

"What a beautiful name. She's gorgeous."

"She's sleeping. And Snowball is her toy." (because I should have known Snowball would somehow be involved in the play)

**** Minutes later, I go out to get the trashcan from the center of the cul de sac, where the wind gusts have carried it. Flynn, panic-stricken, meets me at the door ****

"Momma! Momma! Polly is sick!"

"Oh no! What are her symptoms, what's wrong with her?"

"She has a fever."

"Oh goodness, how high is her fever?"

Much hesitation.

"Ten. Ten inches."

Update: In case you're worried about Polly, please know she has recovered. After a Strawberry Shortcake bathmit, placed on her forehead to bring down the temps, add to that a premeasured tylenol dose (an empty pulmicort respule saved from the recycling), she is fever-free & in great spirits!

The Journey, Part Tres

I've had some ask if I've heard anything since sending out my packets last week.
No I have not.
It's pretty discouraging to think about how at a given district, there might be 500 files, but 5 jobs. So, someone whose job it is, will choose 5 or so files to send to each principal, of those 5 jobs.
The principals then turn around & choose a couple of applicants out of the stack, who they think is worthy of an interview. Then, the hire someone. And that someone who gets hired, might not be a part of any of that process... it could be someone's sister, or a good friend's son, or the lucky recipient of a favor.
Basically, it's a crap shoot.
One particular district, well, the one I graduated from, is hiring. I see on their website that they have a handful of openings. I hear of one particular opening in the very school where I learned to do a cherry-drop from the monkey bars. I got so excited, thinking of teaching in the very building where I attended....not only that, but it would be also where my kids would attend. How great would that be?! And, a good paying district - to boot!
Okay, but how can I get a job there? I mean, it seems impossible.
I emailed the HR in charge of certified positions. I hear some pretty negative things about her & figure it's a shot in the dark -
-- break there -- Gabe pottied in his pants -- okay, I'm back--
It's a shot in the dark, but I figure, what will it hurt to at least email her.
So, I did indeed:

Sent: Tuesday, April 08, 2008 4:27 PM
To: Cathy Power
Subject: current openings

Hi Cathy,

I was wondering if the Valley &/or *** Elementary openings have been filled?

I recently received the letter from ****wood, that you have all the necessary information items. Do you have any advice on anything else I could do?

I am really hoping to hear from someone soon.

Thanks Cathy,
Amy Wantsajob

She actually did email me back!:

Subject:RE: current openings
Date:Tue, 8 Apr 2008 17:38:37 -0500
From:"Cathy Power"
To: "Amy Needsajob"
Valley just closed today and they are reviewing files for interviews. E*** has been interviewing for 3rd, but I still have not gotten a recommendation.

Not exactly advice, or anything to run with. So, I find out E's principal & decide to email him. I know, kinda pushy, but I did. I wrote the usual, I'd love to work in your building, I think you'll agree I would be an asset to your building, etc.
That was 2 days ago & he didn't even have the decency to email me back!

The whole process could get downright discouraging, but I have to keep my faith & know that God's plan is God's plan, despite email replies or the politics of the whole thing.

Maybe next week, I'll be posting The Journey, Job Offer.
After all, faith is the substance of things UNseen & the evidence of things HOPEd for.

Dear Flynn,

When I get to tuck you in, we do your prayer, we say good night....sometimes there are nights like tonight, when you are so exhausted from all the fun you had, that you fall asleep before I can even cover you up.
Then, I look at your pouty lips, your dark hair flowing off the edge of your pillow; those long eyelashes, resting on your baby cheeks, and I feel sad...

that I wasn't patient enough today.
that I loaded the dishwasher instead of reading you another book.
that you always get the blame because you're older & stronger.
that tomorrow morning, you'll wake up early & head out the door & spend hours away from me.
that I am just not one of those mommas who have unending endurance for the normal age-appropriate mishaps, misbehaviors, fights with baby brothers.
and that instead of counting to ten, I count how many times "I told you..."
that you hear no more than you hear yes.
that you hear me angry more than you hear me happy.
that sometimes I'd just rather do what I want to do, instead of what you want to do.

I hope you'll forgive me.
Tomorrow I'll try harder.

Love,
Momma

I'm Competing

for computer time, that is.

With a girl who has a lovable polar bear named Snowball.

She loves to go feed her, buy things for her, toilet her, wash her,

and play games to earn money for all Snowball's goodies.

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

Why does Gabe keep licking his knee??

Just in Case You Thought I Was Exaggerating

Remember when I said I had 4 loads of laundry?

It was more like six. On the bed. One in the dryer. One in the washer.

More on Oprah, Views: Christian vs New Age

I completely stole this from crosswalk.com.
Just thought it was interesting the way it was broken down.

What's Bothering Oprah, Eckhart Tolle and Today’s New Age Thinkers

Frank Pastore
"The Frank Pastore Show," KKLA, Los Angeles
March 28, 2008

I have a few questions—but they are not about whether Oprah Winfrey, Eckhart Tolle or Marianne Williamson are good, smart and nice people. I’m sure they are. My concern is about the ideas they hold—since good, smart, nice people can hold false beliefs and be wrong about all kinds of things. Sometimes, even the most important things.

I have questions about their worldview.

A worldview is made up of the answers we give to life’s most fundamental and profound questions. It includes the answers we give to questions of philosophy, religion, ethics and theology. And they are questions that have been asked and answered by every culture in world history.

When comparing and contrasting religions, worldview categories are the most basic level of inquiry.

If you know a person’s worldview, you know a whole lot about them. Oftentimes, you even know more about their thinking processes than they do.

Right now, Oprah is co-teaching an online class with author Eckhart Tolle, based upon her current Book of the Month, his “A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose.” And, Oprah’s promoting a daily radio show on her XM channel featuring Marianne Williamson teaching from “A Course in Miracles.”

Both Tolle and Williamson are New Age thinkers. Oprah says she’s a Christian—arguing that she can reconcile “her” Christianity with what they’re teaching. If she’s a Christian, she’s an ignorant one, because Christianity is incompatible with New Age thought.

Here’s how the two opposing worldviews, Christianity (C), and New Age (NA), answer some of the most basic worldview questions. The New Age answers are ones that would be commonly held, though certainly not universal, as the belief system is loose, eclectic and unique to each individual adherent.

1. Why is there something rather than nothing?

Christianity (C): God created the universe at the moment of the beginning of time, matter and space. Big Bang cosmology and all modern science affirms this.

New Age (NA): The universe is beginning-less, endless, eternal.

2. Does God exist?—and is He personal?

C: Yes, God is personal, and the Bible teaches God is three persons sharing one essence, what Christians refer to as the Trinity. More specifically, God is tri-personal.

NA: Yes and No. Yes, God is an impersonal force that exhaustively fills every atom of the eternal universe: All is God, God is all, God is all of us and God is each of us. No, there is no personal creator called God who is outside of time, matter and space.

3. Who am I?

C: A creation of God.

NA: God.

4. How did I get here?

C: God created man with moral freedom and invited him to join the presence of the Trinity. But man exercised his freedom in rebellion to God, and now only through the work of the incarnate God and second person of the Trinity, Jesus Christ, can that severed relationship be restored.

NA: Through the infinite process of karma. As God, you are eternal, and have been reincarnating from object to object for trillions of years, and when you ultimately achieve enlightenment, and remember that you are God, you will then lose your individual sense of self and consciousness and become One with the One. (Remember, there is no personal God. God is a force. You must return to being a force.)

5. Why am I here?

C: The Westminster Catechism answers this question beautifully: The chief end of man is “to glorify God and enjoy him forever.” I am called to make a decision with eternal consequences: either accept or reject God’s offer of salvation in Jesus Christ. I am also called to help others make a correct choice; to advance the true, the good, and the beautiful; to fight evil and injustice; to work with God at reconciling the world to Himself.

NA: To pay off previous karmic debt gathered over trillions of years.

6. What is the meaning of life?

C: To glorify God.

NA: To achieve enlightenment.

7. What is the true, the good, and the beautiful?

C: God—and his goodness can be seen through his creation.

NA: Since there is no distinction between creator and creation, there can be no distinctions between true-false, good-bad, right-wrong, ugly-beautiful, or pain-pleasure.

8. What is the best life?

C: A life in the full presence of God.

NA: The life immediately before enlightenment, since you will no longer exist as a person once you remember you are God.

9. Who is the best man?

C: Jesus Christ, the Man who never sinned.

NA: “Best” is a nonsensical moral category.

10. Why is there evil, pain, suffering, and injustice?

C: The Fall. Man exercised his freedom in rebellion to God and these are the consequences.

NA: People are paying off their karmic debt. As God, we are responsible for the reality we create for ourselves through our thinking and choices. If we are suffering, it is because we are choosing to suffer. If we think differently we can alter the external world and create our own reality.

11. Why do bad things happen to good people?

C: We live in a fallen world with moral freedom. Evil and sin exist. Men hurt themselves intentionally and accidentally. Our hope is only in God who is able to bring good out of evil.

NA: Karma.
Karma and reincarnation have all kinds of fatal logical problems. Who started karma and reincarnation and why? Who decides what behavior gets rewarded and what gets punished, especially since there are no moral categories? How can there be a “who” to all this when God is a “what,” an impersonal force like gravity? How can an impersonal force help you in your relationships, heal your hurts, illnesses and wounds, help with your addictions and bad habits, lead you to confront social evils, poverty, crime, corruption, broken families, broken hearts?

12. Will good or evil ultimately triumph?

C: The resurrection of Jesus proves that good ultimately triumphs over evil.

NA: These are only apparent moral categories, they don’t really exist.

13. Is there life after death?

C: Yes! In either heaven or hell. Our destination is based on our response to the person and work of Christ.

NA: Yes and No. Yes, in that you may have trillions of more reincarnated bodies to inhabit as you pay off your karmic debt before reaching enlightenment. No, in that once you’re enlightened, you will cease to exist, since you will have remembered you’re really an impersonal force that New Age thinkers call “God.”

The New Age Movement is intellectually and spiritually bankrupt. But, it is making Tolle and Williamson—and especially Oprah—a whole bunch of money.

Frank Pastore is host of “The Frank Pastore Show,” recognized by the National Religious Broadcasters as Talk Show Host of the Year in 2006. His program is heard on KKLA in Los Angeles 4-7 p.m. Monday through Friday. Contact Frank at Frank@kkla.com.

Priorities

I might have 4 loads of laundry, clean, ready to be folded & put away.
There's a mini-van full of 'church things' to unpack.
The breakfast bar is full.
And so is the dishwasher.
The floor is cluttered & needs to be vacuumed.
Gabe's floor is covered in blocks.
Flynn's is covered in books.

But,
We worshiped & served together all morning.
We picnicked & played at the park for an hour.
We took a walk.
We played in the backyard, hula-hooped, & made a hopscotch in the mud.
Took a long bath.
And read lots of books.

So,
if you drop by.
Please know,
I had important things to do.

Deep Thoughts by Flynn, part 8

"Light Nap" = nap
"Dark Nap" = bedtime

It's ironic that she'd even acknowledge "light nap" considering she quit taking them a few weeks ago!

My Journey, The Packets

Okay, I think this is part 3 of my journey ... you know, the one where I leave my babies & go back to teaching full time.

I've done much since last posting about this but NOTHING really has transpired.

I've sunk approx 5 hours into this process. And am hoping it pays off big.

For those not real familiar with the getting-hired-to-teach process, you must have a FILE established at each desired district. The file usually consists of your resume, your references (their minimum set amount), at least 3 letters of recommendation (one being from your former principal), your transcripts, & your certificate.

Just getting those things together, making the adequate amount of copies, & mailing those out, THAT'S a job in & of itself.

THEN... (and I did this very first thing), you must have an online application on a site called MOREAP.net (for MO). It's an online database of all teachers looking for employment. Administrators can go there to access & pull off your info, print it out, etc. Also, some districts (seeminly 'belonging' to REAP or who have registered with them) can put a post that they're hiring for a particular position, so I've checked this daily.
To fill out the info questions, the essay questions, your preferred methodology, etc., takes close to an hour.
It would be great if all districts used it & didn't have their own cotton-picking applications.
But they do.

Three of the districts I'm interested in have their own PAPER applications that you must either pick up from their C.O. or print from their website. Each of those took about 30 mins to complete.
Then, about three districts have their own online application with similar questions, that you must fill out.

There's also a gallup "Teacher Insight" test you must take online. It takes over half an hour & three of the districts required I go to their website & complete that.

And all that is just the paper part.
I haven't even begun calling & harrassing people yet.

Since I know several teachers & the inside & how this all works, I'm all too familiar that it's just a crap shoot. You can't just create a teaching job for someone. A district might think I'm the 'cat's pajamas' but unless they have an opening, my file will just sit in their HR dept for the next year.

I hope my timing was perfect though, as my last batch went out yesterday & usually districts require their teachers to return contracts the 2nd week in April.

Then there's the knowledge that I might not be hired 'til the first day of school, like Jeff was. Or the second week of school, like my friend Amy. Both whom are awesome teachers and LOVE their jobs & districts.
So I have to be content & learn patience if that's how things go for me. Not an easy pill to swallow when you're trying to decide on care for your kids or have a garage full of boxes of teaching 'stuff', just screaming to be put back into a class.

I've said this before, I am NOT not not not a laid back person (I wish I was!). I do not, never have, sat back & let life happen. If it doesn't happen or quick enough, I jump in & turn the wheels to speed the process.
This process has no wheels for me to turn. I literally am helpless & have no control. What a lesson for me to learn.

A lesson about not only patience (which I don't have), but trust. Trusting God
Isaiah 40:31 "...but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
& learning to wait.
Psalm 62:5 "Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him."

Scary, Scary

Go here if you aren't up to date with Oprah's new age anti-doctrine.
It will chill you.

Are You Joking Me?

Anyone who knows Jeff & I, aren't too surprised to learn that APRIL FOOL'S DAY was the day he proposed to me (six years ago). If I hadn't expected it was coming (we already had made the decision that we'd be spending forever together), I would've thought it was a joke. But when he got down on one knee, on this very plot of land (minus the house), he wasn't teasing.

Unlike yesterday, when I played a joke on him.

I wasn't sure I'd be able to even sorta trick him, considering the date on the calendar. BUT, I pulled it off.

The last few days, I made him aware that I was 'late' -- this is no big event considering I've never been 'regular', heck, I'm not even sure I ovulate anymore.

Anyway, I voiced this to him. Then I told him that while Gabe & I were out & about, that I'd be picking up a pregnancy test (I do these for sport on occasion, something about the science of it...the little window...the faux anticipation...etc.).

ANYWAY, I emailed him in the afternoon:
"I have something to tell you. I want to wait & tell you in person, but I don't think I can wait any longer."

He calls me as soon as he can (not for another hour, as he doesn't have a phone in his classroom),

"Was the test positive?"

I could hear the panic in his voice.

"Um...it...it WAS."
"OMIGOSH. OMIGOSH. Amy, Are you serious?

Is this an April Fool's Joke?"

I couldn't keep it up. I'm a good joker, but I almost felt sorry for him.

"Yes, April Fool's."

And if he tells you he wasn't just the slightest bit excited at the idea of a surprise (vasectomy-defying) pregnancy,

then he's the one fooling.